Fear Busting and Perspective

Posted by Martha Wills on February 10, 2014 

“The fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all. It’s time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through. No right, no road, no rules for me. I’m free!”

– Idina Menzel from Disney's Frozen

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a piece about facing your fears. I read it to my editor mother, and her response sent me straight back to the drawing board. Too filled with angst, she thought. And she was right. Who wants to read about other people’s problems when they’ve got worries all their own?

Feeling angst ridden over my angst filled piece, I shelved in for the much lighter and easily flowing princess story written at the twelfth hour. Princesses trump fear each and every time, in every story, and in every situation.

A week went by, and faced again with the prospect of another Wednesday afternoon deadline I was back at the beginning of my fear-facing column-writing conundrum. It’s the nature of the beast. Address what’s going on, or get stuck in the notorious writer’s hell known as “the block.” Writing through it is supposed to help. But writing about facing fears to get through the fear of writing that fears are making me fearful? Come on!

There’s a lot to be afraid of in this crazy world we live, and so it’s not surprising that facing fear is everywhere. A friend of mine has affirmations written in her beautiful handwriting taped conspicuously throughout her home. Walking through, spotting them, and slowing down to read makes her place one of the most peaceful I’ve ever been. Books and blogs and magazines are better living guides to face the fears (weight, diet, health, how not to mess up your kid…). Take a look at Pinterest or Tumblr. Social media, especially, wants to free us from what frightens.

“Face your fears,”
Your Largest Fear Carries the Greatest Growth.” 
“What Are Your Afraid of?”

Determined to get some help and clarity as I face my deepest worries I contacted one of my dearest friends, a ray of sunshine named Christie Haymond of Simply-Rooted.com. Her approach to her own life led her into the field of health and wellness with Rooted Holistic Coaching, and our conversations on all topics have always left me feeling motivated and forward moving. If anyone could help pull me from the rabbit hole it was Christie. 

My email to her went something like this…

“I’m a mess”
“My relationship just went bust. I’m either eating clean, or abusing my body with sugar. My kids are struggling. Money is tight. Help me, Christie! Help!”

Not exactly, but it was a cry…

Writing back, she generously offered to get together (Thursday yoga here we come). But more importantly, the spirit of her response was so compassionate and centered that it instantly changed my perspective.

 

Her email began like this…

“Firstly, you are not a mess.  You are a beautiful, amazing soul that is going through exactly what the universe has planned for you…”

Wait.
I’m a beautiful soul?
The Universe and its plan! 

Lest we forget.

In a few more paragraphs she addressed my specific fears by explaining how they correlated to one another. She wrote about wanting to help, and was sure that we’d figure out “how to make me feel better.”

It will take work, of course. I don’t expect it to be simple. But by simply changing perspective, the problems didn’t disappear; rather they placed me back into the driver’s seat of my own life.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

It’s our responsibility to live fully, which can’t happen when we hover in a corner afraid of what comes next. Feeling powerless had me down. I mean, “will I be able to brush my teeth today” down.

Changing perspective changed it all.

And suddenly I can see the light. It still flickers, but it’s there.

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