One Side Up; One Side Down

Posted by Bruce Ham on February 14, 2014 

When the girls and I were in the play A Christmas Carol this year, we met a man who owns a hair cut place. Actually, I guess it is a salon. The guy looks like Santa Claus and, from his stylish manner, I'm guessing he's pretty good at what he does.

DJ found out he owned a salon week 2 of rehearsals. That is when she began haranguing me.

"Dad. I'm going to get my hair cut at Michael's."

"Michael, DJ wants you to cut her hair. How much is it gonna cost?"

That mug told me it was gonna be like $60 - and don't be fooled, there's a tip on top of that! So, say $61 total. A lot of money for your hair, that just sits on your head, doin' nothing else. I told her she could do it once but not to think it was going to be a habit - like her grandma who has had a wash and set every Friday since 1955.

And I, with a head full of handsome locks, headed down to Supercuts right after the play to get my quarterly quaff. I think I got someone new. I'd never seen her before. I sat in her chair.

"And what can I do for you today?"

"Just trim it up, over the ears, leave a little more on the top."

"Clippers or scissor?"

"Clippers, 5 guard." I love that I can remember that.

I then relaxed, occasionally closing my eyes while pretending I was getting a head message at the Synergy spa near my house.

I paid her ($17 with tip) and got in the car.

As I glanced in the rear view mirror, I took a double take.

On the right side of my head, the hair above my ear skirted the edge of my cartilage. On the left side of my head, homegirl had left me a 1/8 inch border around my ear. It was like one side of a street with curbing and the other where the grass from the yards was actually growing into the asphalt.

Although I prefer my grass grow all the way to the road, I am not fully opposed to curbing. But I do prefer that the same street decorum is used on both sides.

I was lopsided. Hippied on the right, scalped on the left.

This did bother me, however, not enough to change my hair designer. I mean, I could have gone back to Supercuts four times and paid them to try to fix my head for the same amount it would have cost me to go to Michael once. And furthermore, at least 7 out of ten cuts are ON THE MONEY.

And the best part of all of this? Hair grows back. So ten days into my new doo, I was golden. And I just strived to face people at a slant for a couple of weeks so they couldn't see both sides of my head.

Must have worked, no one said a thing about my imbalance

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