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This week, Edna Neal Collins, assistant professor in the Department of Human Environmental Sciences at Meredith College, tackles a question about an aggressive child.

Question: There's a little girl in my son's morning out program (they're 3) who is constantly hitting and scratching. She's all over the place all the time, literally jumping off the walls, it seems like. The teachers can't seem to get control of her and my son comes home talking about how she's "out of control," which I assume he hears from the teachers. Is there anything I can do in this situation?

Edna Neal Collins responds: This can be a stressful situation for everyone involved: children, parents, and teachers. As a parent, you want your child to have a happy experience with other children at mother’s morning out. A first step may be to talk with him about what to do if another child hits or scratches him. Three-year-olds can learn simple strategies like saying, “Stop! I don’t like that!” and moving away from the other child or asking a teacher for help. It is helpful if teachers and parents tell children the same thing about what to do.

Talk with the teachers about your concerns. Of course, staff cannot share specific information about a child with anyone other than the child’s own family. But it is reasonable to ask teachers to describe their policies and methods for responding to challenging behavior and keeping all children safe.

Three-year-olds are still developing self-control and need support from adults to behave appropriately. To promote appropriate behavior, teachers must work to build a good relationship with each child. They can do this by giving plenty of positive attention, providing interesting toys and activities, giving children plenty of time for active play, and having reasonable expectations. For example, if three-year-olds are expected to sit still and listen or follow a teacher’s directions for long periods of time, many will react with challenging behaviors.

When children engage in challenging or mistaken behaviors, adults must respond calmly and consistently. They can state clearly what the problem behavior is, tell the child what to do instead, and follow through as much as necessary to help the child comply. It helps to acknowledge children’s strong feelings when limits must be set. Give them choices about what to do next. For example, “You’re mad that you didn’t get a turn on the tricycle after waiting so long! It’s time to go inside for snack now, but you may have the first turn tomorrow. Do you want to help set the table, or help put the toys in the shed?”

Unfortunately, teachers and parents report that more children are behaving aggressively in preschool. This can happen even when teachers provide high quality programs and respond appropriately to challenging behavior. A child who constantly hits and scratches may be trying to meet a strong need for something, such as attention, a sense of control or reassurance. The teacher must work closely with the family to understand why the child is behaving as she is. Once they understand the reason, they can develop a consistent plan to help her be successful in the classroom.

Fortunately, there are resources in the community to help teachers and families in situations like these. As a parent, you can make sure staff members are aware of these resources. Child Care Services Association provides Behavior Specialists who consult with teachers in licensed child care facilities about children’s challenging or aggressive behavior. For any preschool, child care, or Kindergarten program in Wake County, Project Enlightenment provides Teacher/Parent Consultants. If the child’s parents agree, a consultant will observe and address difficulties the child is having in the areas of behavior, social development and learning. Both of these agencies also offer specialized training for teachers. Many Web sites are available to help teachers and parents learn to understand and respond to challenging behaviors. As a starting point, information about some of these resources is provided below.

Local resources
Child Care Services Association
Project Enlightenment

Online resources
National Early Childhood Technical Assistance Center
Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations of Learning
Technical Assistance Center on Social Emotional Intervention - University of South Florida

Check out our daily themes at TriangleMom2Mom:

MONDAY: Meet!
TUESDAY: Ask!
WEDNESDAY: Eat!
THURSDAY: Play!
FRIDAY: Out!

WEEKEND: Relax!