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Every Tuesday, local experts answer your questions about your kids, your health and other related questions. If you have a question, just e-mail it to me.
Today, Maggie Connolly, director of the FPG Child Development Institute's Child Care Program, fields a question about daycare drop-off struggles.
The question: My 2 1/2-year-old loves going to day care. We went through the whole separation anxiety thing when she was younger. For the last 8 or 9 months, she's been fine and excited when I drop her off. But lately she's been really clingy and cries when I leave her. There have been no other major changes in her life — same school, teachers, kids. No baby in the family. Is this another stage? What can I do to help her?
The response: I would not necessarily consider this another stage, but it is fairly common with some children. Once a child realizes (typically around the 2 to 3 years old age) that they are being left everyday at school, and they might really prefer to stay home and do their own thing with mom or dad, children discover the power of manipulation and can easily see that crying and clinging causes great concern for the parent.
It is not that they don't like school or playing with their friends. It is normal and a good thing that some children prefer to be with mom and dad. There are a number of things that parents and teachers can do to help the child through this transition.
First, it is important for the parent to establish and stick to a set drop off routine. Establishing a pleasant ,consistent routine of blowing a kiss, beeping the car horn, or giving the child an item of the parents (i.e. a mother's hair clip, a father's key chain) to keep for the day is a nice way to make this a smoother transition. This routine will be specific to the child and parent; and can vary from the parents staying for 10 to 15 minutes with the child in their classroom to get them involved in an activity and then leaving. Or it may require that the parent says their goodbyes quickly and leave from the classroom immediately. It's important for the parent to remind the child while at home that they must go to work and that the child needs to stay at school; but reassure them that they will return after work.
Teachers can assist parents and children during this time by doing a number of things. Telling the child and parent what the major events or activities will be for the next day gives the parents information that they can talk to the child about at home. Teachers can offer opportunities for children to have "fun" responsibilities in the class — such as caring for a class pet, watering the plants, being the line leader, etc. — so that they are motivated to come to school. Learning from the teacher what was exciting for the child that day at school, parents can reinforce at home how much fun school was for the child. Fostering budding friendships by arranging weekend playdates with a classmate is a great way to help your child. And finally, having pictures of parents and family members at school for the child to look at, letting the child bring a special item to school that connects them to home, and/or a parent reading a favorite story on tape that can be used as school are all ways to help.
Check out our other daily themes at TriangleMom2Mom:
MONDAY: Meet!
TUESDAY: Ask!
WEDNESDAY: Eat!
THURSDAY: Play!
FRIDAY: Out!
WEEKEND: Relax!
Sarah Lindenfeld Hall
Sarah is in charge of content for TriangleMom2Mom.com and writes about family-friendly events, local moms groups and other topics for the site.
She lives in Raleigh with her
husband and three-year-old daughter. Sarah has written for newspapers
since she was a teenager living in snowy Central New York. After
graduating from the University of Virginia, she traipsed a bit around
Europe and Mount Airy, N.C., before settling down in the Triangle. She
moved here in 1999 to take a job with The News & Observer. She once aspired to play
flute professionally. More recently, her daughter started crying when
she played it.
Read more about:
Every Tuesday, local experts answer your questions about your kids, your health and other related questions. If you have a question, just e-mail it to me.
Today, Maggie Connolly, director of the FPG Child Development Institute's Child Care Program, fields a question about daycare drop-off struggles.
The question: My 2 1/2-year-old loves going to day care. We went through the whole separation anxiety thing when she was younger. For the last 8 or 9 months, she's been fine and excited when I drop her off. But lately she's been really clingy and cries when I leave her. There have been no other major changes in her life — same school, teachers, kids. No baby in the family. Is this another stage? What can I do to help her?
The response: I would not necessarily consider this another stage, but it is fairly common with some children. Once a child realizes (typically around the 2 to 3 years old age) that they are being left everyday at school, and they might really prefer to stay home and do their own thing with mom or dad, children discover the power of manipulation and can easily see that crying and clinging causes great concern for the parent.
It is not that they don't like school or playing with their friends. It is normal and a good thing that some children prefer to be with mom and dad. There are a number of things that parents and teachers can do to help the child through this transition.
First, it is important for the parent to establish and stick to a set drop off routine. Establishing a pleasant ,consistent routine of blowing a kiss, beeping the car horn, or giving the child an item of the parents (i.e. a mother's hair clip, a father's key chain) to keep for the day is a nice way to make this a smoother transition. This routine will be specific to the child and parent; and can vary from the parents staying for 10 to 15 minutes with the child in their classroom to get them involved in an activity and then leaving. Or it may require that the parent says their goodbyes quickly and leave from the classroom immediately. It's important for the parent to remind the child while at home that they must go to work and that the child needs to stay at school; but reassure them that they will return after work.
Teachers can assist parents and children during this time by doing a number of things. Telling the child and parent what the major events or activities will be for the next day gives the parents information that they can talk to the child about at home. Teachers can offer opportunities for children to have "fun" responsibilities in the class — such as caring for a class pet, watering the plants, being the line leader, etc. — so that they are motivated to come to school. Learning from the teacher what was exciting for the child that day at school, parents can reinforce at home how much fun school was for the child. Fostering budding friendships by arranging weekend playdates with a classmate is a great way to help your child. And finally, having pictures of parents and family members at school for the child to look at, letting the child bring a special item to school that connects them to home, and/or a parent reading a favorite story on tape that can be used as school are all ways to help.
Check out our other daily themes at TriangleMom2Mom:
MONDAY: Meet!
TUESDAY: Ask!
WEDNESDAY: Eat!
THURSDAY: Play!
FRIDAY: Out!
WEEKEND: Relax!
Sarah Lindenfeld Hall
Sarah is in charge of content for TriangleMom2Mom.com and writes about family-friendly events, local moms groups and other topics for the site.
She lives in Raleigh with her husband and three-year-old daughter. Sarah has written for newspapers since she was a teenager living in snowy Central New York. After graduating from the University of Virginia, she traipsed a bit around Europe and Mount Airy, N.C., before settling down in the Triangle. She moved here in 1999 to take a job with The News & Observer. She once aspired to play flute professionally. More recently, her daughter started crying when she played it.
Read more about:
