As I wake up today, I find myself closer to 50 than to 45. I know that really happened about 6 months ago, but the day on which you have to start saying 48 (17,532 days...you can see how many days old you are by clicking here) rather than 47, it just hits you more. The older we get, the less we think of birthdays in terms of presents and the more we think of birthdays in terms of mortality. Nope. Not going there!

Okay then! What do I want for my birthday? Just so I don’t sound incredibly greedy and selfish, let’s assume that these items all come AFTER things like world peace, a cure for cancer, AIDS, etc., relief to all people who are suffering from hunger or pain and an ice cream cone from Sunni Sky’s that tastes just as amazing, but has no calories. (Seriously, who would imagine that the best ice cream in the world is in Angier?)

I know the difference between needs and wants, and I WANT a Kindle or iPad…I cannot continue to be behind the technology curve when it comes to one of my greatest passions…reading.

I want there to be enough episodes of all the various Law & Orders that if you get sick one day, you can watch it every waking moment. Oops…sorry, that already exists…confirmed Monday!

I think I want Roomba because I am just not really into keeping my floors clean…but I really like them to be clean!

I want to be able to assign chores and have them completed with no “forgotten” steps. They seem so simple to me. Take “Doing the Dishes” for example. In the old days, this meant clearing the table, scraping table scraps into the trash, filling a sink with hot, sudsy water, washing every dish, pan and piece of cutlery to perfection, drying everything and putting everything away. This resulted in the kitchen looking like it did before dinner was started within about 10 minutes of its completion.

Today it means filling an automatic dishwasher, pushing a button to turn it on, removing all of the items from the dishwasher, inspecting them for cleanliness and putting them away. Simpler? You would think.

However, sometimes the button is strategically not pushed delaying the eventual emptying in hopes that Mom will just get disgusted and do it herself. Big pots with cooking remnants left behind? Hand wash? What? Are you kidding me? Jam them in the dishwasher resulting in the dishwasher not properly cleaning the pots OR the other dishware in there or leave them on the counter…or if feeling REALLY aggressive, fill them with water and put them in the sink stating, “That’s not my job!” Don’t go so far as to put dishsoap in them so that the sink-soaking process might actually work.

If the emptying seems to be taking too long or if I get distracted by a text, don’t bother emptying the utensils. I mean…who really needs them anyway. And there are SO many of them. As for plastic storage containers, leave them on the counter. I can’t be expected to walk ALL THE WAY to the pantry to put them where they belong.

I want to be able to remember important things like the name of the person I have met 16 times instead of all the words to the Partridge Family theme song and the name of the band that had the one-hit wonder, 99 Luftballons. Sorry…I know I promised last week that there would be no Partridge Family references this week.

I want more paying writing and editing gigs so I can continue to live my fantasy of earning a living while working in my pajamas or, on dress-up days, sweats and at-shirt.

All of this pie-in-the-sky (oh, a banana cream pie would be nice!) fantasizing is going to get me nowhere. So I guess I’ll settle. I’ll “settle” for being alive and healthy (poo poo poo as my mother-in-law used to say…anyone want to explain?) I’ll “settle” for having two healthy, reasonably responsible and loving children. And most of all, I’ll “settle” for just being here to celebrate another year of living!