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Breast or Bottle
There are few topics as guaranteed to stoke the passions of motherhood as breastfeeding.
Breast or bottle, in some circles, is like offering a choice between organic ambrosia and a poisonous brew.
I don’t buy into that.
Breastfeeding is a deeply personal undertaking with no right or wrong choice. I truly believe that. But for me, it was the only choice.
Agony doesn’t begin to describe what it felt like every time my newborn son needed a drink. Every day brought a new plugged duct. (Who knew I could be so bold as to prick my own nipple with a sterilized needle to release the pent-up milk? Has anyone else done that?)
My mom suggested I give up. My mother-in-law thought the whole idea of putting baby to breast was yucky. Even one of my closest friends, a pediatrician, told me to stop killing myself.
But I was determined. I don’t even remember how I found UNC’s Mary Rose Tully, lactation consultant extraordinaire, but with a well-positioned pillow here, a change in posture there and a seductively named technique she called the “nipple sandwich,” I was in business.
Why did it matter so much to me? Formula, after all, does not equate with child abuse.
But I wanted my baby to suck down all those good-for-you antibodies. And yes, I’d read the studies about breastfed babies’ IQs soaring a few points higher than formula-fed infants.
My mom breastfed me for only a week before she was readmitted to the hospital for a post-delivery complication. It was 1972, and she said no nurse offered her a breast pump.
Attitudes have done an about-face. When my first daughter was born three years ago, a severe case of jaundice led her pediatrician to prescribe formula for the first couple days of her life, to flush the excess bilirubin from her seven-pound body.
I had no reason to worry about breastfeeding, though. I had access to a medical-grade breast pump and supportive nurses who fed the baby my pumped, nutrient-rich colostrum in addition to formula.
For me, though, it came down to pure, unadulterated baby love. I love babies. I love holding babies. Breastfeeding facilitates that.
You can’t really prop a breast the way you can a bottle (though I’ve certainly tried as my other kids have clamored for granola bars opened or pants zipped just as I’m latching on their baby sister). You’ve got to hold the baby, cuddle her, stroke her fuzzy, silky hair, marvel at her robin’s egg blue eyes gazing into yours, lean forward as she pulls on your earring and yanks at your necklace.
Recently, that baby – she of the robin’s egg blue eyes and the silky hair just starting to curl – decided she could no longer be bothered with nursing. At 10 months, she has initiated our first mother-daughter battle of wills.
So far, I’m winning – though I’ve had to make grueling concessions. Nighttime nursing sessions are back with a vengeance. It’s her best time because there are no distractions in the haze of a 4 a.m. feeding. She’s drowsy and eager to cuddle up close. Richard Ferber be damned.
During the day, I can no longer read the newspaper during nursing sessions or sing to her as she lies still in my arms. I have to pull out a continuous array of Interesting Objects – pens, rattles, a mirror, a strobe light.
This morning, arms otherwise engaged supporting her cuddly body, I held a touch-and-feel baby book between my teeth. She petted the lion’s furry mane while I squeezed a few extra minutes of nursing in before she arched away.
I nursed both my other children until they were close to 2. I’m nowhere ready to stop with #3.
A few years ago, I read a New York Times piece about an 11-year-old who had not yet weaned. I joke with my friends that I’ll stop nursing before Orli’s bat mitzvah.
If she has her way, though, it’ll be much sooner than that.
Bonnie Rochman
Bonnie is a TriangleMom2Mom featured blogger, appearing every Monday.
She lives in Raleigh and has written for The News & Observer since 1998. She has covered political unrest in the Middle East and chronicled the experiences of entrepreneurs in Vietnam, but that was long before her new bosses -- there are three of them, one more demanding than the next -- presenting her with her most challenging assignment to date: juggling the needs and perceived wants of boy/girl preschoolers and their baby sister.
Bonnie also writes kids music reviews for TriangleMom2Mom.
Comments
My daughter went on a complete nursing strike at about 10 months old. No nursing for almost 10 days right around Thanksgiving. I ended up getting mastitis after it. It was horrible.
I was not ready to give it up and I didn't really think she was either - she really wasn't into eating lots of solids either. For those 10 days she did increase her solids a little bit but mostly drank pumped milk from a sippy cup (she never accepted a bottle). Mary Rose and her staff also gave me some advice on this too.
I remember reading somewhere that it's very common for babies of this age to go on a strike, that it has to do with their development and that they really aren't ready to wean. Most babies aren't ready to wean before a year (maybe longer - somebody with a lot more knowledge on this please correct me if I'm wrong).
Anyway - she wasn't ready to wean. I remember calling my husband near tears when she finally latched on again.
My son went from breast to cup (with the exception of the bottles of pumped breastmilk at daycare) at about 11 mos. I do remember him squirming around to see what was going on.
Had I not been working, I might have pressed on, but frankly I was tired of toting the blue monster to work and tired of feeling rather bovine. But some of my fondest memories from my kids' babyhood are about nursing.
And as for the battle of the wills...fasten your seatbelt Bonnie!
ArbonneMom
When you want to breastfeed and can not because you have tried but it is just too painful, too difficult, the milk doesn't come or the baby just doesn't get it, then YES, get some bottles and a good formula and move on. The baby will miss out on your anti-bodies, some nutrition ,and milk that is broken down to the point where their little GI doesn't have to do extra work sto digest it. But, what else can you do? I went as long as I could (to nine months) and I dried up like a river in three days time. It was sad as I would have liked to have made it to a year. I read recently that breastfeeding was up to 2/3 of all mothers. I think that is very good. The issue that gets me is the new mom who chooses not to breast feed because she thinks it will "wreck" her breasts, it is gross, formula is just as good or doesn't like the idea of pumping or feeding in front of their spouse. Those issues were embodied in two close friends of mine and the result was they both ended up with very fussy babies with upset tummies and who caught every germ that passed them by. It is clear that breast milk is best - that is what they are physiologically there to perform.
I think the point of your last sentence gets overlooked in our society. You are right -- breasts are for breastfeeding. That's their reason for being. Breastfeeding shouldn't be seen as any "grosser" than breathing, for example. It's just the body doing what it was engineered to do.
I think it should be left up to the mother to decide what is right for her and her baby. I feel this discussion board is saying that all mothers are “expected” to try breastfeeding, and if you decide not to, you should feel guilty about it. What about those mothers who want to breastfeed and can’t? It is opinions like these that make new moms who don’t breastfeed feel like they are terrible mothers.
Personally, I chose not to breastfeed and I am very happy with my decision. Our baby girl was born 3 months ago. I started her on formula right away, and she is very happy and very healthy. With all the “advantages” of breastfeeding, some forget the rewards of giving your baby formula. Formula provides your baby with vitamins your body lacks (breastfed babies eventually have to supplement these vitamins). Also, formula has more consistency than breast milk, allowing your baby to go longer between feedings. (My baby started sleeping through the night at 4 weeks!) New moms have a hard enough time trying to learn how to take care of their newborn. Why not make things easier on yourself? Giving your baby formula also means you can have help with feedings. My husband is able to give our baby a bottle and this gives me the break I sometimes need. It also allows him time to bond with her. Some moms say that they don’t want to bottle feed because they don’t want to fix bottles in the middle of the night. Why not fill the bottles with water, sit them next to the bed, then pour in the pre-measured formula when the time is right? Sounds pretty easy to me!
We are happy with our decision and this is what works for us and our family. I think moms who breastfeed shouldn’t dismiss other possibilities, they should respect other mother’s decisions, and accept that not everyone feels that breastfeeding is always the right thing to do.
Breastfeeding is a deeply personal decision, which is why I think my husband has politely declined to give an opinion on when I should wean our son. It comes with so many emotions that it's hard to start and hard to stop.
After 3 months of breastfeeding, I wasn't sure I could keep it up. I was up at all hours and working as a teacher. My milk production was all over the map because of trying to find enough time to pump. Every time we had to supplement with formula because I wasn't making enough milk, I felt like I had failed. My son was battling acid reflux, so he was crying a lot and spitting up. Nothing like a regurgitated milk bath at 3 a.m. to make one want to give up.
My goal was 6 months, but when that got here, things were going so well I didn't see any reason to stop.
I would encourage every mother to try it, but it takes a very supportive family system to get through those first months. I remember many times when I was feeding him, and I would cry because I knew he was going to spit up or he would still be hungry when he finished or I thought of how tired I was going to be. They weren't my favorite memories, but, man, were they worth it. J is thriving, and we are so closely connected. These things can come from bottle-feeding too, but his nutrition comes from my body and that is a powerful thing.
You might want to pick up a copy of this month's Oprah magazine (march '09); I have an article in there about milk banking that I think you'd enjoy.