Ring!

Randy, at work: Hey.

Me: We have a situation.

Him: What kind of situation?

Me: A backyard bunny situation. We have a bunny stuck in our fence.

Him: A bunny stuck in our fence ...

Me: Yes. A bunny stuck in our fence.

Him: You mean he tried to go under the fence and got stuck?

Me: No, I mean he tried to jump over the bottom board to escape into the neighbor's yard and he got stuck between the vertical slats. So he's, like, inverted. Between the slats. Hind legs and little cottontail up in the air. Stuck.

Him: Oh no.

Me: Yeah, it's very very sad. And he's so cute! Please come home and save him ...

Him: I've still got another 30 minutes of work to do here. You can get him out.

Me: I don't see how. What if he has rabies? I don't want to touch him!

Him: Just go into the garage and get the crow bar and ...

Me: A crow bar?!?

Him: ... to pry the fence slat off and let him free.

Me: Oh. OK. I'll give it a shot.

(A few minutes later ... )

Ring!

Him: (with an expectant tone) Hel-lo.

Me: Yeah. It's me. I couldn't find the crow bar. I tried to use the hammer but it didn't work. PLEASE come home and save the bunny.

MJ, in background: Mommy, what's wrong with the bunny? Where's her house? Where are her babies?

Him: OK. (deep, heavy sigh of resignation) I'll be there in 10 minutes.

Me: Yay!
(Meanwhile ...)

Ring!

Mom: Hello?

Me: I have a bunny problem.

Mom: A bunny problem?

Me: We have a bunny stuck in our fence. He tried to get through one of the slats and now he's stuck. It's so sad.

Mom: Did you try a crow bar?

Me: Can't find it.

Mom: Oh, Beth. You couldn't find your head if it wasn't hooked on.

Me: This is awful. Just awful. The poor thing.

MJ, in background: What's wrong with the bunny, Mommy? Where's her house?

Mom: Is Gordie home next door? Maybe he has one you can use.

Me: He's probably still at work. But I'll check. (click.)
(Gather all little ones, put their shoes on, trek to neighbor's.)

MJ: Gordie's at work? Mommy, why is Gordie at work?

Me: Because that's where people go every day to do interesting things and make money.

MJ: Daddy goes too? Why make money, Mommy?

Me: So you and I can spend the day monitoring bunnies, honey.

MJ: (blank stare)

(Neighbor's house. Ring doorbell. No answer.)

Me, to myself: (sigh) Gordie's not home. Oh, if only I knew this bunny wasn't rabid or suffering from some other type of wildlife disease I don't know anything about. Can't help push it through. Must check garage again.

(Gather all little ones, go back home. While searching through the garage, the bunny cavalry shows up:)

Me, actually jumping up and down like a 4-year-old: Yay! You're home! Go rescue the bunny!

Randy, grabbing crow bar from completely obvious place that even a 4-year-old would have seen: OK. Show me this bunny.

(Later that evening ...)

Bunny, safely back at his "house": Can you believe that guy's wife made him leave 30 minutes early from a job for which he gets paid by the hour to rescue a stuck rabbit because she couldn't find her own darn crow bar?

Bunny's pal: Doesn't she know the economy's in the tank? The Dow dipped below 9,000 today. Half their retirement fund is probably gone.

Bunny: The woman couldn't even find a crow bar in her own garage, much less be reminded that her husband is a small-business owner solely responsible for the fiscal health of his family and unable to work as a wildlife ranger in his spare time. I hear she even writes a weekly blog for FREE. She probably spends all her days at Target. She's clearly a few carrots short of a bunch.

Bunny's pal: Clearly. Probably best not to go back there.

Bunny: No, never.

Beth appears Tuesdays on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Beth at her blog MotherBunker.