Thanks so much for your interest in my vote! I can't tell you how special it makes me feel to hear from you every 30 minutes or so. We don't have much else to do during the day, so answering your pleas to cast a ballot for you, really listen to the issues, get out and vote early (as if! What if I vote before I hear another of your fantastic recordings? I'd feel so cheated!) or realize that I shouldn't trust your opponent's record really gives me something to do in between viewings of Springer and recreational trips to Target.

One thing, though: Every now and then -- like, every 30 minutes -- I'm knee-deep in a dirty diaper for my youngest, or box-deep in yet another macaroni-and-cheese meal for my oldest. My kids absolutely looove to answer the phone, so I've instructed them to feel free to answer for me when it's you guys calling. I hope you don't mind. They're really good listeners, especially if you use the word "stickers" or "Daddy." (Actually, only if you use the words "stickers" or "Daddy." You might try these instead of, "Hello.")

I realize this might be a bit of an inconvenience for you, in terms of getting your message across. But don't worry! I've put together a few tips for how to structure your recordings to our home to maximize comprehension for your audience.

1. First, let's keep it clean, folks. Keep any and all pitches that relate to morals of any kind out of the call. This is not meant as an indication of my position on any issue, even if it is an indication of my position on any issue, which frankly is none of your business. It simply helps prevent me, during my daily RoboCall debriefings with my children, from having any uncomfortable, explanatory conversations regarding "pee pee" parts and the like, which inevitably become a plot point of almost any moral issue. Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

2. If you happen to get my 3-year-old (you'll recognize her by the heavy-breathing), it's best to talk in terms of food. Let's say you're Barack Obama and you'd like to discuss your goal of creating 5 million new green jobs. You're already half-way there, as green was her favorite color last month. Try combining this with something else she loves, like Goldfish crackers. "MJ," you might say, "wouldn't you love it if you could walk out your back door with a bucket and fill it with all the green Goldfish crackers you could eat? What if I encouraged Pepperidge Farms to build an eco-friendly green Goldfish factory in Durham? How does that sound to you?"

(You could also use green M&M's in this context for my kids, but you'd want to be aware of any possible peanut allergies before using it on other people's kids.)

3. Relatability is also a big key. Perhaps you're John McCain, and you'd like to explain how your tax plan will better suit the average American worker, a.k.a. Joe the Plumber. You're on the right track by giving the American worker a stage name -- kids like that. But may I suggest Handy Manny instead? You could even use his talking tools to dramatize the finer points of your strategy. Get creative and mix up the voices. Have fun with it! Fun is a sure vote-getter for my kids.

(Changing your last name to "McCandyCain" also couldn't hurt. Christmas is just around the corner!)

4. Candidates, if you reach my 14-month-old (you'll recognize her by the high-pitched squawking) and you'd like to talk about why your approach to trade is superior, drop her big sister's name into your pitch. For example: "You know how, every time you pick up a toy that you love, MJ comes over and takes it away from you, leaving you with nothing but your fingers to suck on and a pouty face? If your mother votes for me, I promise that will never happen again." Oh, and good luck keeping that promise.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go. My baby has been talking to RoboTom Ridge for about five minutes now, and it's time for my debriefing.

Beth appears Tuesdays on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Beth at her blog MotherBunker.