Our marriage has improved.

it helps to find balance and not trying to live like you don't have children.

Many families try to go about life like the kids are a second thought. They get disappointed in their life and each other when there are no date nights out, when they can't do the things they did pre-kids.

It is all about evolving forward becoming part of a new "different" family and not looking back trying to be what you were.

We also change as we get older so we should always take time to get to know each other and the new people we are becoming.

Married or not, kids or not. We are always changing.

Joanna Glass

Triangle API Leader
www.triangleapi.org

API Promotions Manager
www.attachmentparenting.org

Interesting. I would say it can go either way. I feel like my husband is more committed now that we're expecting our 3rd child than he was when we first got married (at ages 22 & 23 respectively). Of course, we spend less alone time together now and we have to really treasure those private moments. My parents divorced when I was 5, citing the fact that my health problems as a baby (I had a heart murmur and asthma) caused my mother to have to quit her job to stay home with me, which led to my father having to work 2 jobs, which in turn led to stress/frustration/fighting and eventually separation. That's a heavy burden on a kid to grow up thinking they caused their family to fall apart.

Interesting question. I agree, it can go either way. I think sometimes (moms especially) can put so much into their relationships with their kids, their marriages can be neglected. I admit, I have to catch myself from often thinking "you're a grown man, you can take care of yourself, these are children that need me." But too often, marriages can get off track that way, and then when the kids are grown, you can pick it back up, but sometimes you can't. On the flip side, often kids strengthen a marriage, with spouses realizing there's more than "just us"...the marriage begans to have a great purpose and strength. I think it really depends on so many things: personalities, circumstances, etc....

It depends on the purpose of the marriage. We got married in order to raise kids (among other more obvious reasons). One can get married for many reasons, and live full and happy lives with people (with or without marriage) for many reasons. I think if kids are not part of the plan, then kids could be a real deal-breaker, just like any major change in one's passion or purpose in life could be. I would have never married anyone with the idea we might or might not have kids. Kids were part of the package for both of us well over twenty years ago.

I feel the same A1mama. Otherwise, why the heck would I want to live with a boy? Ew! LOL.

I don't think that kids ruin marriages, I think that adults ruin marriages.

Like the posts above, I could go either way because I think both could happen.

For sure, having kids stressed our relationship. The focus was on the kids and it was easy to let our relationship slide.

But in order to make things work smoothly, my husband and I have to communicate well and work together on family matters. We have to purposefully attend to own relationship, whereas before, it could have sailed along without much thought. But as a result, I feel our relationship is deeper and richer than it would have been, had we never had children.

Im a mother of three and sometimes it kills me. I love my kids to death but it would be so much easier if I had just chosen a different dad for them. Kids dont ruin a marriage I think its who you have kids with. My husband is emotionally detached from everyone and everything. He never shows emotions and it kills me. I see other dads enjoying taking their kids to the mall or toy store and my husband just sees it as a boring chore.He would rather be at work with a bunch of criminals then spending time with his own family. I always think about divorce but I dont want to be this huge failure who couldn't even keep her family together.