Every once in a while, I have the dream. The one where I can't find my class. When I finally do, I'm late. And, of course, I'm not prepared for the test.

Waking up from that dream never fails to leave me grateful that school is long behind me. I usually move on and just forget about it. That is, until it creeps into my reality.

You see a funny thing happened at Big Guy's Meet the Teacher night.  Although I've walked the halls of his school too many times to count, this night was different.  For according to Big Guy's school, he's now a middle school kid.  And as I sat and learned about his new classes, new teachers and new responsibilities - basically, his whole new world - I was overcome with that sinking, sick feeling.  The one that usually accompanies my dream.

As I followed his schedule, the smell of the classrooms, the notes on the whiteboard (it's no longer a chalkboard) and the brief minutes between classes took me back to another era.

It was 1981. I was in my first year of what was then called junior high school. And even though in 1981 I was two years older than Big Guy is now, it was also my first experience with a locker and a schedule that shifted for every class.

It only took walking into a real science room to remind me of the day I had to dissect a frog.  Sitting in Big Guy's math class at a desk that is no longer built for small people, but suddenly, sized appropriately for adults, prompted memories of note taking and sweaty palms as I struggled to understand pre-algebra. 

Instead of the low hum of parental conversations in the hallway, I heard my classmates whistling the end of "Centerfold" as they shuffled to class.  When I peeked into Big Guy's locker, I half expected to find notes from my friends wedged between the tiny slits of his lockers, with stories about the boys they had bumped into between classes.

Finding a spot on the crowded bleachers for the Headmaster's welcome made me think of how we'd walk into the crowded cafeteria, scouting for "our" table.  Funny that by the end of the school year, everyone had "their" own tables.  Even though nothing was ever officially assigned. 

When I first got that sinking, sick feeling, I thought it was because it seemed that there was just too much for Big Guy to learn.  The feeling that there was no way he could do it all.  But it was more.  I felt unsettled.  And I couldn't pinpoint the reason why. 

On the way home, I found my answer.

It took walking through Big Guy's day to remind me of something I had forgotten.  School is about so  much more than the classes.  A fact that I know to be true, yet somehow overlook when I talk to both of my boys about their day.

And that "can't find, late for class, fail the test" dream is really about confidence.  A lack of control.  Something we not only feel from time to time as adults, but something that our children will feel as they go through school.

There's no denying that Big Guy's new middle school title has brought him and his buddies a slightly different swagger. But fortunately, his priorities are still very much on par for a ten year old boy. Eventually, that will change.  But for now, I wish him only restful sleep.

Illyse appears Thursdays on TriangleMom2Mom.