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Entering the Big Kid Phase
Guillermo, my oldest, turns five this week and my husband will be the first to admit I’m not taking it well. I know it, too.
Songs that hold special memories about him make me weepy. Parenting mistakes I made months or even years ago haunt me as I fall asleep. The thought of Guillermo going to kindergarten, which used to make me so excited for him, now produces a big knot in my stomach.
Of course, I don’t want time to stand still. I want him to grow, and I love who the kid he is growing up to be, but what I really want right now is snuggle up to him, tell him how much I love him, and spend a quiet afternoon with him reading books, baking cookies, and maybe going for a hike. The problem is, the only activity on that list that he would want to participate in is the hike.
He interprets hugs these days as a sign of war, and he’s always ready to battle. He often greets an “I love you” with a sigh of “I know” and a mumbled “I love you, too.” He likes books, but he’d prefer a comic book, and usually only at bedtime. He’d rather just eat the cookie than help bake it. And, nothing, nothing about him is quiet these days, except when we are playing hide-and-go-seek.
So, maybe what I’m mourning is our past life, our past relationship, our past connection, because this new phase, the “Big Kid Phase,” as it’s called on ParentCenter.com, (where I used to go to get weekly updates about how Guillermo was developing when I was pregnant with him) promises more independence from me. I went back to ParentCenter.com recently to get some ideas about what to expect from my soon-to-be 5-year-old son. I was looking for something to cheer me up, snap me out of the “My baby is growing up and leaving me behind” feeling I’ve been having.
Here’s a little of what I found:
* Guillermo may start grasping conversational etiquette, and may be more willing to wait his turn before talking. I’ve been working on that skill with him for several months now, and I haven’t seen much progress. I hope it kicks in at 5.
* Most 5-year-olds no longer have tantrums, and that seems mostly true for Guillermo, but now they have moved onto to defiance. We know this well at our house, and I’m trying to figure out the fine line of when to ignore the behavior and when to crack down on it.
* Collections. Apparently, 5-year-olds love collections. I collected stickers when I was a kid. I think my husband collected baseball cards. The other day, my 5-year-old neighbor showed me his collection of Pokemon cards stored carefully in a large binder. Guillermo has a collection of sticks in our front yard and he occasionally collects shells or pine cones when we hike.
I’m excited to see what else is next.
Once Guillermo’s birthday gets here, I’m sure my tears will vanish. He’ll have presents to unwrap, I’ll have a cake to make (Anyone have any suggestions on making a Batman cake?). We’ll both need to get ready for the party. I’ll save the rest of the tears for August, right before he starts kindergarten.
Natalie appears Sundays on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Natalie at her blog A Day at the Park.
Natalie Gott
Natalie is a TriangleMom2Mom featured blogger, appearing every Sunday.
Natalie is a stay-at-home mom in Carrboro to castle- and super hero-loving Guillermo, 5, and puzzle- and big brother-adoring Maya, 2. Natalie was a wire service reporter for nine years, but stopped working after Maya was born in 2006. Most mornings you can now find her at the playgrounds chasing her kids, who frequently are wearing superhero capes. Natalie grew up in Iowa and Peoria, Ill. After college, she lived in St. Louis, Baton Rouge, La.,and Austin, Texas. In 2005, she and her husband moved to North Carolina and she proudly sings every word to the "It's Carrboro" rap. Natalie loves politics, reggae and grocery stores and readily admits she wastes too much time reading celebrity gossip, but just can't stop herself.
Comments
Parenting is sort of bitter-sweet, isn't it? If do your job well, your children become more secure in their identity, more independent & grow away from you more readily.
I know that I'll greet kindergarten with very conflicted feelings. One day I will have both twins at home, while the next day both will get on that school bus and I'll return to a quiet house.
you almost made me cry! i can't give you any advice because i can't feel what you are going through. just always know that guillermo will always be your little boy (even when he's 30) and he will always love you (even if he just mumbles it). i think my mother went through the same thing with Will--but it made her so very proud how independent and successful he became. you are a wonderful mother!!
Triangletwins: Make sure to plan a wonderful day for yourself on the first day of kindergarten, coffee with friends, a manicure, shopping and lunch, etc. It will be your reward. If our days coincide, maybe I'll join you. How old are your twins?
Jen, thanks. You are so sweet.
The twins will be 4 next month so will enter kindergarten (gasp!) next year. Otherwise, I may have taken you up on your offer. Thank you.
One of my friends suggested we plan a Champagne brunch with the other moms to help ameliorate the sting of that first day. We quickly scraped that idea when we realized that we'd be letting a bunch of tipsy emotional moms get behind the wheels of their mini-vans to pick up their precious loved ones from school. (I guess if we wanted to do that, we'd have to rent a school bus or something.) I think coffee or a pedicure is a much better idea.
I sometimes wonder if anticipation of the big day is worse than the actual experience. In some ways, I feel as though I have begun the grieving now and perhaps by the time they go, I'll be an acceptance mode.
In the meantime, I savor every single innocent moment that I have with the twins. I wish I could bottle it.
Good luck in September - you'll have to keep us posted!