Guillermo and I survived his first sleepover, barely, but we did, with only a few tears along the way. Not bad for a pair of 4 year olds.

My friend and I planned our kids’ first sleepover and the plan called for me sleeping over too. She has a guest room and we figured it might make the sleepover a little easier on Guillermo. Plus, it would be a great chance for us to catch up.

Most of the night unfolded as my friend and I had planned. Guillermo and I arrived in late afternoon and the kids played and played. They were doing so well that we allowed them to stay up past their 8 p.m. bedtime, assured that they were too excited to settle down to sleep.

Around 9 p.m., however, the house suddenly became too quiet, you know the kind of quiet you cherish when you know everyone is asleep but the kind of quiet you fear when you know they are awake. I decided to check it out.

I should have stopped myself when I peeked into the bedroom where they had been playing. The kids had tucked themselves into bed. I walked over to give Guillermo a good night hug, as his friend fidgeted on the top bunk.

“Wow, look at you guys. You are such big guys, getting ready for bed by yourselves,” I praised them.

Guillermo stopped me from going further.

“He hurt my feelings. He said butt two times.”

Hmm, he was fishing for something. Since when does the word butt hurt anyone’s feelings, except when someone is told they have a big butt and not in the Jennifer Lopez big kind of way, I thought.

“Guillermo,” I said, “I’m sure he didn’t meant to hurt your feelings. Did you tell him he hurt your feelings and ask him to stop?”

“I did but he said it again. I just want it quiet in here because I’m tired. I want to sleep in your room,” he answered.  Aha. That’s what he wanted. He wanted out. I knew at that moment he wouldn’t give in until he could sleep in my room. I didn’t blame him. He was in a strange house.

I was all for it, but I knew that Guillermo’s friend had been so excited for Guillermo to sleep in the bottom bunk that I tried to coax Guillermo back into the bed. He was having nothing to do with it.

“He hurt my feelings. I never want to be his friend again,” Guillermo declared.

Ouch. I’ve learned that’s the second biggest insult a 4-year-old can hurl at a friend (the first being, “You’re not going to be invited to my birthday party!”)

Guillermo’s friend’s face twisted into all sorts of sadness until he couldn’t hold back the tears and started wailing.

As my friend tended to her son, I tried to reassure Guillermo that his friend probably didn’t mean to hurt his feelings but that it isn’t nice to say that to your friends. “He hurt my feelings first when he said butt,” my son said. “He needs to say sorry.”

In that moment, I couldn’t convince him to apologize until I allowed him to sleep in my room. That decision sent Guillermo’s friend into another fit of tears.

My friend and I did the only thing we could think of to stop the madness. “How about we watch a video?” my friend asked the boys, at 10 p.m. at night.

Thirty-five minutes later, Guillermo and I were lying next to each other in bed. I tried once more to explain that when a friend is feeling sad, you should try to make them feel better by offering a hug, or, sometimes, an apology. Guillermo responded to me with the silent treatment and I fretted for several minutes over my son’s lack of compassion.

And then Guillermo surprised me. He rolled over, put his arm around my shoulders, and said “I love you,” before he fell asleep.

I laid there, this time with a proud smile on my face, a few more minutes to make sure he was really asleep before I made my way back to my friend’s kitchen to join her for a well-deserved glass of wine.

Natalie appears every Sunday on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Natalie at her blog A Day at the Park.