I just clicked on the link and read several weeks' worth of his columns.  His "tough love" approach comes off really abrasive to me.  Honestly, he comes off sounding like a grouch who dislikes children.

 I homeschool my sons. One of the many reasons I decided to homeschool was the fact that I felt their expression was being supressed. I enrolled my older son in kindergarten, went to the orientation, and he attended class for a brief time. The number one priority in his particular kindergarten seemed to be teaching children to form a straight "kindergarten line" and to keep quiet when walking from one classroom to another and to the cafeteria. If you dare speak during those times, there are consequences in the form of a demerit system. Yes, children need to be taught not to be rude or interrupt their elders when they are speaking, but I don't agree with indoctrinating them into the "system" as "good little soldiers" or, as I saw them, mute little robots. I'm sure there are many parents out there who feel this kind of structure is a good thing and they are happy with it, but I personally didn't like it for my children. This is a very personal choice and I am just stating my personal opinion (please don't throw daggers at me).

Well, I'm the resident John Rosemond defender as everyone knows:-). The way I understood his column: We all have "feelings" but it's not always appropriate to express them. For example, when common courtesy would dictate otherwise. Children aren't finished products, so nobody expects them to have completely mastered this, but I think the point is to begin teaching children when it's appropriate to express feelings (mommy, my fish died and I'm sad) and when it's not (as a guest at a dinner table, announcing:"I HATE chicken!") If people spent as much time teaching social skills as fostering self esteem, children would be a little more enjoyable to others. Often when parents complain about their children's "spirit being dampened" it's code for "someone told your kid to knock off the rude behavior." I think society in general could use a course in etiquete (and spelling?:-) and it's never too soon to start!

Lilybug,

Your expressed yourself a whole lot better than John Rosemond. I think he comes off too harsh. Your example of when it is and is not appropriate to express feelings is a good one.

Let me just say that I lived in South America as a child. I guess you could call me a non-conformist because it always bothered me that children there were expected to address their parents by "Señor" and "Señora" at all times...to use Mami or Papi was disrespectful in the region where I lived. Children were expected to do chores and please their parents, with very little opportunity to enjoy their childhoods. Again, this was where I lived and I know it must not happen everywhere in South America. I vowed to show my children that it's okay to be children and enjoy themselves, not to spend all their time serving adults. This is a cultural difference that makes me VERY grateful to live in the United States.

I think there's definitely a huge difference between being just plain rude and expressing their emotions. I teach my children to be considerate and take turns, to say "please" and "thank you", to try to have good manners (as best as they can at ages 4 & 5). But if they are frustrated or upset about something, I allow them to express that, deal with that emotion, and then move on. I think particularly with boys, they are often told to suppress their emotions and many grow up to be men who bottle things up and then explode. It's healthier for them to express their emotions in a healthy way.

mami2jandc-I developed a slightly different attitude toward this sort of stuff after substitute teaching for a couple of years. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal to have a kid mutter a couple of words in the hallway, but either talking is allowed during that time or it's not. And 25 kids going down the hall yakking at will, when other classes are working, is a huge distraction. There isn't any reason why kids can't walk down the hall for 30 secs without talking while they get from point A to B. So many things that seem petty to parents, are rules for very good reason that are neccessary to controlling a large group of kids. I totally respect your ability to know what's best for your own kids, and respond accordingly, but please know it's really hard to learn (and teach!) in an environment where kids aren't orderly and calm. I imagine there are certainly cases where expectations are unreasonable for certain aged kids, but I have found the expectations at our school to be realistic. I agree with you that kids should be kids, but I personally like the idea that they should be pleasing to adults, and not the other way around.

Lilybug - I was hoping you would weigh in since you are ... as you said ... our resident Rosemond expert. That makes much more sense.

I REALLY believe wholeheartedly that children who are brought up to be considerate of others are truly happier kids. I see it every day. Also, the way others will respond to them (playmates, teachers, etc.) is more positive, so you're really doing them a favor to teach them a bit of restraint when it comes to expressing every thought and feeling. It's not wrong to have any kind of feeling, just learning the appropriateness of expression.

This discussion reminds me of something. Last year our family traveled to Disney World and, upon our return home, we were in line for a very long time trying to get through security at the Orlando airport. We noticed, well EVERYONE noticed, a boy about age 9 or 10 having a meltdown while waiting in line. He was yelling and completely out of control. There were murmurings around us from other people in line, appalled that the child would be acting this way and critical of him and his parents. I immediately recognized that the child was on the autism spectrum, and his parents were doing the best they could to calm him down.

We really shouldn't judge when we see a child "expressing their emotions" in public. There could be reasons behind it and as adults I feel we should be the tolerant ones.

Wow!  I love these conversations and differencing in opinions.  Etiquette is so essential and not just for children but for adults as well.  Just as it was just mentioned that at all times, we should all be mindful of how we judge. 

Lilybug, I have to tell you that I have a friend who absolutely raves about John Rosemond and would be in your corner any day to defend him.  I am just getting to know his teachings and parenting style.

Personally, I agree with him on a certain level.  Children most definitely need to continuously be shown and taught how and when it is appropriate to freely express themselves. 

In addition, I feel like they must also be taught how to deal with their emotions all together.

For example, too often adults tell kids to be quiet and deal with whatever it is that they are dealing with quietly.  Maybe they are told what they should feel without explanation. Without that opportunity to deal with life's situations appropriately or without that guidance from an adult... repeat fits, bullying, disrespect, and other things that make us want to pull out our hair.

I mean, could you imagine having something completely horrible and upsetting happen to you and you have no way of expressing it or letting it out?  Explosion coming around the corner, right? 

On another note, I also feel that we should not only expect children to be respectful to every adult, but we should also respect them. 

I am an etiquette coach and I don't necessarily teach the whole, "sir" and "ma'am" thing unless the parents specify.  However, I teach and I believe that children should not be on a first name basis with any adult.  All of my students are taught to always mind their "AREA."  (Always Respect Every Adult)  Sometimes, I come across adults I'd like to politely remind to always respect everyone. 

Anyhow, just my thoughts.  I hope you don't mind me chiming in.  I really couldn't help myself.  ;0)

http://www.taikimes.com

Why does this guy have a column? Every time I read his column it's clear to me that he doesn't respect children as people and is insensitive to them.

I have a lot of experience working with children (even autistic children) and I have to agree with Lilybug, well behaved children are better liked and happier all together.

I just came across this article on CNN.com. I think this illustrates the point I made about how we should have tolerance for other people's children, because they may have special needs and we shouldn't be quick to judge them for behaving "inappropriately" in public.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/03/31/irpt.autism/index.html

Yes, I saw that, and while it's true you shouldn't jump to conclusions about the cause of bad behavior, I consider it a separate issue. I still believe there's a little too much indulging of kids going on these days.