blogs
The Generation Gap
When I was a young teen, I thought my Mom had it made. I mean, what a life of leisure!!! She had two live-in indentured servants to do everything. We washed dishes. We dusted. We vacuumed. At one point, I remember Mom saying, "You know, it really would be easier to just do it myself." Ha! I laughed.
I am now a mom of teens and I am here to tell you ... she was right!!! It really would be easier to do it myself. It seems that there is a generation gap when it comes to household chores. If you went into my kitchen right now, you would see that the countertops are free of the detritus of our lives, lacking the items tossed upon it when we arrive home and bereft of crumbs and coffee cup rings. It's like that because I cleaned it. I know what clean looks like.
This is typical of how the kitchen looks after my daughter "cleans" it:
She sees it as "clean." I see it as justifiable homicide!
"Pick up the family room," the Mom said. A simple task. In my mind, it clearly communicates that if something is where it shouldn't be, PICK IT UP AND PUT IT WHERE IT SHOULD BE! This picture was taken after my son theoretically "picked up the family room."
Clearly, no family room would be complete without an athletic cup, a gum wrapper and a pencil on the ottoman with the remote.
If you read last week's entry about my husband and Costco, you know that we have lots of back-up supplies of everything. So we don't really have to worry about running out. But somehow, it made sense to someone to return this to the refrigerator:
You really never know when someone is going to be thirsting for an eighth of a cup of cranberry juice!
What we have here is a failure to communicate. Or is it a failure to listen? I'm opting for the latter since I am nothing if not articulate.
Can anyone out there offer me some options that don't involve violence? Can someone tell me how to NOT take this personally? With every gum wrapper I find on the floor, what I hear is, "I can't be bothered to bend down and pick that up ... Mom will do it."
This may be the most demanding job I've ever had. It's certainly the most demeaning! And without a doubt, it's the lowest paying.
Diane Neer appears every Saturday on TriangleMom2Mom. To read more from Di, visit Live and Let Di.
Live and Let Di
Diane is a TriangleMom2Mom featured blogger, appearing every Wednesday.
I try to be the voice of Moms with teens. My daughter Haley is 16. She's at that age where she is convinced that I know nothing. I'm thinking I'll seem a lot smarter when she's 22. We bond over Broadway shows. My son Rory is 13. He started reading the sports page when he was 5 and his passion for anything sports-related has grown ever since. This year he beat out 9 guys in their 40s to win his Fantasy Football League. Watch for him on ESPN in a few years.
My husband Hurley works from home, but travels quite a bit. When he's gone, I usually take a break from making dinner and cleaning the house. Oh, I don't do those things regularly when he's here either! Our parenting philosophy is "choose your battles." The only problem is that we often choose different battles. It keeps it interesting!!!
Comments
I can't offer much here. My daughter, nearly 2, loves to help me clean up right now and my son, 4, loves cleaning the windows (but insists he likes his room messy, not clean).
I think I may have been your kids when I was a kid, so I am clearly useless. (Much to my mother's dismay.) My time for dealing with this same issue is coming, though, and it won't be pretty. You know what they say about paybacks.
I've shared before that my daughter often tells me "this place is a mess," grabs the broom and starts cleaning. So apparently, in my house, I'm the problem.
You talk about your kids, but I really wonder where your hubby falls in the mix. Mine tends to think a fairy comes and does all the work. He envisions me sitting around and watching soaps and Oprah all day everyday.
My husband actually is better at cleaning than I am. (He also cooks). Yeah - I'm lucky.
I can't help but visualize Sarah's daughter standing there all Bette Davis saying, "What a dump!"
My husband did his laundry today...all the stuff from his week in Colombia. I'm pretty sure that means there was lipstick on the collars and perfume scent wafting around his jackets. Ah, who cares. I'm just glad he did his laundry.
I feel your pain. I have 3 boys who do not have the same dictionary that I had when I was growing up. Their idea of clean is to put the dishes in the dishwasher, put the trash in and around the trash can, take the clean clothes out of the dryer and place them in the basket and put it on top of the cat's litter box. then put their small load (one pair of jeans) in the washer (set on large load) and leave them their for 3 days, close the shower curtain with all the dirt in the tub hiding behind it (no need to clean it because it will get clean when I take a shower tonight). I have raised them to young adults becaused I had to decide what battle I wanted to fight in my house. I decided that when they get their own home they will live in dirt. I have found that now that my son is at college- he has found the dictionary that I used as a child. His apartment is actually neat. He told me that he did not do it at home because he knew that I would always do it if it needed doing. Since living on his own he knows it will not get done if he does not do it. I now look back and decided that I could have stopped doing all the house work but would anything change and they decide to clean. I doubt it. My husband did not understand why I feel the need to clean all the time. I explained to him that when the house is dirty is not a reflection on the woman of the house. He did not believe me until, as a police officer, he when into a home that was filthy and the first thing he thought was "boy this woman can not clean house". He came home that night and told me the story and said that he now believes what I had been telling him all these years.
I can either do the work or my kids can remember me as a mother that complained all the time. I chose to lower my expectation with regards to how clean the kids should clean the house and do it myself. Sorry I know this does not help but rest assured that you are not alone!