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good-bye to privacy-doesn't have to be
I see Diane Neer's article on saying good-bye to privacy as very misguided. I hear and see mom's all the time making decisions just like these and I really disagree! I am in the middle of raising two boys and they have never joined me in the bathroom. Now sometimes this meant laying one down even while, heaven forbid, they cried. They have also been taught not to cross the threshold of our bedroom without knocking and receiving permission to come in.
I think more mom's need to hear about setting up boundaries and not letting the kids rule. Just because they want something, doesn't mean they should get it. A friend of mine once said, we are not raising children, we are raising adults. Our kids need to leave the home and succeed. Some guidelines and "no's" will help them do that.
Comments
Wow! The funny thing is that I absolutely agree with you on every point. I just didn't see my tongue-in-cheek article as indicating that I was/am a permissive parent. I absolutely support a parent's right to say "No!" and to follow it up with the following explanation, "Because I said so!"
I can remember those potty moments so vividly. As a first-time Mom with a colicky newborn, I had to weigh out the choice of having a calm baby on my lap while in the bathroom or putting her down, having her start crying and having to spend what seemed like forever calming her. Dad was less confident than I with the whole soothing process, so he was effectively useless. And the toddler intrusion moments were usually when Dad was away on business and I was silly enough to forget to lock the bathroom door. I don't think I ever locked a door growing up. A closed bathroom was an occupied bathroom and no one would ever just walk in. Old habits die hard and I would apparently forget that my toddler didn't have her boundaries developed yet.
There are two books that I have reviewed on my personal blog that I think you would enjoy. And hopefully reading my reviews will reassure you that my kids don't rule the roost and I'm not one of "those" parents who try to reason with a screaming toddler.
http://www.liveandletdi.com/my_weblog/2007/06/the_price_of_pr.html
http://www.liveandletdi.com/my_weblog/2006/12/the_blessing_of.html
So glad you read the article!!! The N&O people will tell you that I have been desperate for more comments and great dialogue. Thanks!
prp: I agree with your limits. But what do you do when you all are out in public and you have to use the restroom? Are your children old enough to remain outside the restroom? (I wonder how to handle this -- maybe you can give me suggestions.)
dineer: After reading your reviews I wondered: how would a local "parents bookclub" go -- where parenting books are read & discussed? Part of me thinks that it would introduce me to books I wouldn't have read on my own, and the other part of me wonders if discussions would become controversial and contentious.
I think controversial and contentious would be good! I have many books that I could recommend. Maybe we could have a little committee of people who are members of Mom2Mom and we could pick out three books and have members vote on which to do. I'm sure we could do it. We could start it when the traditional school calendar starts and make it a "back to school" event.
We could carry on a discussion on the web site and maybe have a get-together at Quail Ridge Books for a final discussion.
I'm all for it! If you would like to e-mail me directly, visit my blog and click on e-mail:
www.liveandletdi.com