What gets me is the disingenuous way many of today's dissatisfied SAHMs describe their lifestyle choice. Why all the whining and complaining? What, exactly, is so hard about taking care of small children and keeping house in an air-conditioned suburban home with modern conveniences?

In the 1930s, Midwestern women toiled on farms, and in addition to the multitude other phyiscal tasks they performed, they had to make a homemade flour paste, dip strips of home-made cloth in the paste and try to seal any cracks in their cabin to keep out the silt that incessantly infiltrated their homes. They filled buckets with millipedes, spiders and other multi-legged creatures that infested their homes to seek refuge from the blistering heat. They faced every day not knowing where their next meal would come from and their children had to walk miles to school in blinding, suffocating dust storms (unsupervised, sans cell phone). These women probably slept 4-5 hours a night, toiling ceaselessy despite rheumatism, fevers, migraines and other debilitating ailments. Children died of "dirt pneumonia," and mothers died in labor.

Compared to that, the life of the SAHM is the easiest job in the world.

Come on, not trying to be mean, but at least they are your kids. Try going to work and corraling other peoples kids. I love my job(I'm a pediatric nurse), but I would love more to be a SAHM to my own kids. I am sure it can be difficult, I gather that from reading your blog above, but you are truly blessed.

Well Eripley, few people live the way we did in the 1930s. Why so angry?

You miss my point entirely. In fact, most people in today's world live in harsh conditions; spoiled SAHMs are an exception. Instead of showing gratitude, why are they always complaining?

My example from Little Home on the Prarie was simply to make a point that modern housewives don't have it as hard as they would like us all to believe. In fact, comparatively speaking, they're living on Easy Street.

I can believe it's difficult to be living below the poverty level as a single parent of disabled children, that it's difficult to bring up a family in a war-torn Third World country, to be dealing with mental illness or terminal disease.

So instead of complaining about their work load, today's SAHMs should count their blessings and volunteer 20 hours a week at a local charity.

Why do you think someone might get fed up with the constant whining by pampered, privileged women?
Answer: Because these women are demanding MY pity in countless mommy blogs to which newspapers have committed significant resources. News organizations nationwide are whittling away at important news coverage and analysis to provide a venue for the incessant whinefests of middle-class SAHMs.

I think there is a difference between privileged and pampered. It is a privilege to be able to stay at home with your kids (if you can and/or if you want to). But that doesn't mean all SAHMs choose to live a pampered life.

I stay at home and work a bit freelancing. What I always find sad about these discussions is that there is such a division amongst us as mothers and women.

Sometimes I think these blogs, columns, etc. "complaining" about being SAHMs is more to poke fun at ourselves. Try and bring a little story that maybe someone can relate to. Get people to talk.

At the end of the day, I don't think anyone who SAHM would really put their perceived problems or stresses against true problems in the world.

It's funny because once you get into the SAHM world, they're cliques and divisions within that. You have the ladies who lunch, shop and have help. You have the ones that help in school and volunteer. My point is that it's tricky no matter how you try to talk about it and there's strong feelings on either side.

It doesn't seem funny or good-natured to me. It seems self-indulgent. But I guess it's a matter of perspective. If you find the woe-is-me histrionics inspiring, more power to you.

Anyway, you suggest that this hand-wringing is all about getting people to talk. Okay, so I talked, and you suggested that I'm being divisive. I guess the talk you want to see is supportive comments. In other words, I think what you're saying is that the etiquette norm for a site like this is to be supportive of whatever mommies say. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything.

So, let's just all say nice things, except when we describe our out-to-lunch hubbies or our bratty kids.

Actually, I don't think that at all. I think it's great that people differ. Clearly, you got my attention. And, I actually agreed on some of the points you made in your first posting - the fact that life has changed alot and that stay at home moms have nothing to seriously complain about is valid. But I interpretted the rest of your posting as a generalization that continues to pit working vs. nonworking, when in my opinion, it goes a lot deeper than that. It just continues to fuel the fire as if one type of mom is better than the other or let's judge who works harder.

It's as if you think because the author is fortunate to be able to be at home, she has no right to complain. And to me, that's unfair. She's sharing her personal experience, that some moms out there can relate to...maybe even a working mom! She never called her kids bratty. She never cried woe is me. She was probably just hoping to get some validation from her husband that although what she does all day may not be rocket science, she makes an important contribution to her family with her job...which just happens to be staying at home.

She never said her kids are bratty. She said: "Invariably, brother and sister are bickering and baby is bawling as I am trying to cook dinner/fold clothes/have a 30-second phone conversation." She never said woe is me. She said: "It's not fair." But whatever. Malcontents either irritate you, or you relate to them. As a feminist (oops, I don't know how that slipped out), I clearly don't relate, whereas you find it admirable, heroic even. You've written the same kind of stuff. My point is that on this site, and many other mommy blogs, there's a lot of whining and complaining by women with suburban, middle-class lifestyles. And it's not healthy for the mom. It's not healthy for the kids. And it's not healthy for the husbands. But you all are feeding into each other's negative tendencies. I have the HARDEST job in the world. I have the MOST IMPORTANT job in the world. I am the CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER of the houshold, etc.

If your worst problem is a bickering baby and a husband who doesn't appreciate the enormity of your sacrifice, I'd say you have attained a blissful state of existence. If that's not enough to make you eternally grateful, then I say get thee to a nunnery.

I find it amusing that eripley dubs me a malcontent. I love my children. I love my life. And I love penning blogs that ignite controversy. To set the record straight, if SAHM indicates a woman who stays at home and does not work, that does not describe me. FYI, eripley, I am a staff writer of 10 years at The News & Observer. I have worked there full-time, and I am fortunate enough to now work there part-time so that I can spend a significant amount of time raising my bickering and bawling and amazingly delicious children. Having experienced both permutations, I can say with no degree of uncertainty that my time at home is inordinately more difficult than my time at work. Blogs, of course, are a personal expression. What I perceive as difficult may be someone else's piece of cake. Bon appetit. 

Has anyone actually suggested you don't love your children? Geez. The nerve. You should definitely set the record straight on that one. Anyone who suggests something like that without knowing you is delusional. But delusions are the coin of the realm on the Internet.

As for being a malcontent, it's impossible to assess your state of mind. All any of us can talk about is the online persona who shares your name. I'm never certain that what anyone writes in a blog reflects what they actually believe. Blogs are a make-believe alternative counter-reality.

By the way, I also punch the time clock for my daily bread. But you know what? It has never occured to me to compare the relative difficulty of my day job to my role as a parent. I don't consider parenting a job or a career. I consider it a relationship and an obligation. I'd never say that being a wife is a job, or being a daughter-in-law is a job, or any familial relationship is a job, likewise I would never describe my relationship with my children in contractual terms as a chore, servitude or employment. It sounds so ... crass. If anything, parenting is more like a hobby -- a lifetime commitment for personal satisfaction, without financial reward. It's like running a marathon -- exhausting but exhilirating.

Regardless of whether one views one's SAHM status, doing dishes, cleaning floors, doing laundry, etc. is work. I worked full time until my kids were 7 and 10 and during that time, there were parts of my job that I loved and thrived on and parts of my job that I hated and were tedious. And I probably whined about them. I had a GREAT job. I made GREAT money. But I still needed to whine a bit.

Being a parent is fulfilling at times and aggravating at times. (I have a teenage daughter, nuff said!) I now have my own business and am working 20-25 hours a week from home. But in the years that I didn't work, it was not all soap operas and bon bons. I volunteered in school, was on the PTA board and usually served as personal assistant to my husband who is forever traveling and can call at any time needing me to book a rental car, secure a hotel room or whatever. Yeah...I golfed a couple times a week...so life was pretty good.

But all that being said...whatever our life choices, there are ups and downs and the occasional thing to whine about. During my sojourn at home, I never got defensive when someone used the term "non-working" Mom. Because I knew that working for myself around the house gave me luxuries that I wouldn't have working for "the Man" at an office...taking the occasional nap, choosing to read a book in front of the fire on a rainy day, etc.

Boy...I'm rambling. And I do have to "get to work" which means dragging my sweatpants clad butt all the way to my study.

I LOVE blog posts and comments that inspire interaction and disagreement and all that stuff...keep 'em coming!

Diane,

I hear you, but let's not get sidetracked by semantics. Marriage takes work, too, but would you say: My chosen career is to be a wife? Or: being a wife is the most important job in the world?

When you frame your relationship with your family in terms of a job, you are subtly altering the nature of the relationship. Unconditional love should not be made to feel like a grind. I understand a little venting, but the constant harping on how hard mommies work and how much mommies put up with on countless online mommy blogs is harmful on several counts: (1) It's factually inaccurate (modern parents have it comparatively easy), and (2) It breeds resentment and negativity that seeps into the attitudes of general society.

I do understand that many women find it humorous and refreshing to dish on hubby and kids. I just think you can go too far, and do it too much. But I also recognize that the line for me may not be the same as the line others draw for themselves.

I don't think any of us with a brain consider the things mothers "whine" about real problems. The whining that you refer to Eripley is as another reader suggests, blowing off steam. As my very wise mother used to say "this should be your worst problem".

The strong reaction to your comments is the strong judgemental aspect.

I don't consider my marriage or raising my children work.

I do, however, consider laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands, etc. work. It's part of what you sign on for and some do it more than others

I'm glad I'm working part-time now. I get lots of positive feedback on my work...something I don't get for my "work" at home. Except for the occasional, "Good dinner, Mom." No one's saying, "Wow, you did four loads of laundry today. You rock!"

Maybe that's the big difference...one's "work" as a SAHM doesn't come up for review each year, there are no raises and there's no one-minute manager telling you "good job" every now and then! So, in lieu of all that, many SAHM's reserve the right to whine a little!

:)