Now that I've been the mother of a preschooler for a full month, I'm prepared to offer the single, sure-fire secret to getting your child to succeed in his or her new environment. I guarantee if you follow this simple advice, your tot won't cry when you leave her at the door and administer your kisses goodbye. She won't complain when you wake her up before she's ready to go to a place she will know for the next 12-13 years as "school."

And here's the method:

Completely bore her out of her mind while she's at home.

I used to believe that the fact that MJ wasn't terribly bothered by a new play environment, such as preschool, meant that she was just a well-adjusted kid who was confident of her place in the world and comfortable with a little bit of change.  But this week, while she's been at home sniffling, snotting, hacking and groaning her way through her first cold of 2008, I have learned that I've been a fool all this time. She's not any happier in her own skin than the next kid. Her parents are just, well, dull. And, it turns out, overly concerned about the condition of their furniture. And walls. And hair.

You see, at home, we have no Play-Doh. I'm the aunt who bought her nephew the complete Play-Doh table set for Christmas a few years ago and the mother who won't allow the gummy stuff through the front door. Fingerpaints? Ha! I laugh at your temerity. Perhaps you missed the episode where MJ, roaming the house in the middle of the night, found an inkpad and used it on Little L's walls. Fool me once ... Glitter? Well, that's just insanity. Even washable markers make me jittery.

That leaves crayons, but only with a SWAT (Scrubbers, Wipes and Tide) team standing by.

But at preschool, the first thing MJ does every day is hit the Play-Doh table. The day I played teacher assistant for her class, we pounded coffee filters with bottles of paint that had sponge pads attached to them, distributed containers of glue and paintbrushes (glue and paintbrushes!) and decorated with Public Enemy No. 1: glitter. Madness, I tell you.

So no wonder MJ, while moping around the House that Boring Built all week, repeatedly asked if she could go to school. "Can I go to school, Mommy?" "I want to go to school."

And no wonder, after listening to her sad, sniffling story all week, I went out and bought some of those sponge bottles of paint to occupy her time. (Along with an art smock; old habits die hard.) The best-laid plans of the too-cautious mommy often go awry. Just check out the object hiding in the corner of my garage, courtesy of my sister. Does that look like a hand-me-down Play-Doh table to you? Yeah. That's because it is.

Beth appears Tuesdays on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Beth at her blog MotherBunker.