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How long on the potty??
My daughter began showing interest in the potty at a very young age. The first time she tee-teed in the potty she was 16 months old. It was more fun for her than anything else, and we didn't push it for three reasons. 1 - I was pregnant with baby sister, 2 - we would be moving soon, and 3 - she was very young. Well, she is 25 months old now and knows exactly what she needs to do, when she needs to do it, and where is should be done. But she doesn't always "want" to go on the potty. Sometimes she will run to potty shouting the whole way what she's going to do. And sometimes she will take off her diaper or panties, hide somewhere, and pee on the floor. But the main problem I'm having is that even if I ask her a thousand times a day if she needs to potty and she says no fifteen hunderd times she WILL have to go as soon as it is bedtime, nap time, or she is going to time out. And then you can't get her off the potty. I know that she is using this as an excuse, but there have been times when I've told her no and she has tee-teed in the time out chair or in her diaper and then gotten out of bed to throw it over the gate at us. So what I want to know is how long should you let them sit on the potty at one time? She has literally sat there for 20 mintues before and done nothing just to push back bedtime. She will talk and laugh and get up and down, but when you tell her that's it she immediately says "tee tee" sits back down. My husband thinks I should let her sit there as long as it takes and not deny her access to the potty. But how much advantage do you alllow them to take of a situation?
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Gosh, my daughter used to do the same thing. What a power-play!
Not sure this will help you (kids are so different, and so are parents) but here's what we did:
1) Let her sit on the toilet but didn't give her any attention. I'd calmly say, "OK, go ahead & use the potty. And when you're done, go back to bed," and then I'd turn and leave the room. Usally she'd object and then hurry off because it seemed like it was our attention that she wanted.
2) If she wet herself or made a mess on the floor, I would ask her to clean it up and change herself (as much as she was able). It seemed as though she was less likely to do it if there was a consequence for her.
3) My daughter was still taking a pretty long afternoon nap, so I cut it short a bit just to ensure that she was tired at night and ready for bed.
We've also had the "Jack in the Box" syndrone where she gets up out of bed a dozen times to pee. We finally said that she can get out one time to pee, and that's it.
If she gets up repeatedly, we'd return her to bed. Or we'd warn her that the next time she gets up, we'll take away one of her bears. Be prepared to get tested! And if she does test you, you must follow through!
She hasn't wet the bed in response, but if she did, we planned to leave her un-comforable for a while (not to rush to change her right away) to discourage her from doing it again. (I mean to say that if she wet the bed right after an opportunity to use the bathroom, NOT if she had an accident in the middle of the night while sleeping - that's different.)
I know I haven't answered your question specifically, but maybe this will give you food for thought.
I know it's no fun. Good luck!
That actually does really help. We have been having problems with her getting out of bed too, and after reading 1-2-3 Magic I have stopped talking to her when she gets out. I just take her by the hand and lead her back to bed. This works really well (although sometimes I do have to stand there not looking at her to make sure she stays). Makes sense that not talking to her while she's on the potty will work too!! And if I do leave the bathroom while she is on the potty she will either go if she has to, or get up and follow me. I guess when she follows it means she doesn't reallly have to go. However, if she has an accident I have stopped asking her to clean it up. She LIKES cleaning things up off the floor! So it wasn't so much a punishment for her. Now I make her watch me clean it up and don't let her help. That actually seems to bother her. Thanks so much for the suggestions!
And you are SO right about being tested. I'm a firm believer in following through with what you say, and sometimes I wish I hadn't opened my mouth and said something!! She is such a tiny little thing, but she got a double dose of stubborn and it takes a very strong will to "stick to your guns" with her.
It's tricky, isn't it?
I guess another thing that comes to mind is that you mentioned a baby sister. Is she competing for your attention? You could consider spending some one-on-one time with her (10 minutes of your un-divided time and attention), when she is calm and engaged in something constructive.
= reward her positive behaviors with your attention, at the same time that you are not giving her attention when she behaves negatively.
(Does that makes sense?)
Anyway, sounds like you have put some thought into this -- I am sure you will figure it out!