Many things make me crazy, and/or fill me with rage. And today at the grocery store, I was simultaneously almost pushed to create a scene and suddenly filled with a mixture of old, leftover-from-childhood shame. I mean, how often does that happen??

There was a line. I was, like everyone else in the line, in a hurry. Wait, I should amend that to say everyone but the woman at the front was in a hurry. She wasn't in a hurry at all!! And then she committed what has become, over time, an almost unpardonable sin in my eyes: Even with a bunch of people behind her, she didn't bag her own groceries. Instead, she stood there while the harried cashier rang her up, collected the money, made change, and then stood passively even longer while all of her items were put in bags and then into her cart.

Unfortunately, she seemed to be impervious to the laser death-rays I was shooting at her with my eyes. Why was this a big deal to me? Beyond the whole just-do-it-yourself attitude I have towards almost anything, it is what I perceive as some weird snobbery about her doing something she considered beneath her, something the cashier should do instead of her.

I remembered, though, very vividly, my mother bagging her own groceries at the A&P in Lakewood and the head-hanging shame my sister and I felt while we tried to push her out of the way, (ineffective) and hissed "Stop doing that" at the same time. Note: this was also highly ineffective.

Instead, it had the even MORE humiliating effect of my mother announcing quite loudly, "WHY NO, I WON'T STOP! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BAGGING YOUR OWN GROCERIES. IF EVERYONE (glance at other customers) DID IT WE COULD ALL GET OUT OF HERE FASTER!!

I mean, can you imagine?? Out we would slink, or race to the massive bank of gum and toy dispensers to wait for her to approach, cart piled high with her personally-bagged groceries.

But why did we feel that way? This is what I cannot figure out. Where did that embarrassment come from? Was it just because she was doing something no on else did? Was she committing the unpardonable sin of parents everywhere of NOT blending into every piece of woodwork for miles around and years on end? Did we think she was "better" than that?

Memory, which often serves me well, fails in this case. But I do know this: I would rather bag my own groceries than stand there like some sort of lady-of-the-manor, inconveniencing everyone else and making everyone wait when I am, luckily, able to do it.

So far, Flipper thinks most people bag their own, and in some of the small, local places we shop like Weaver Street Market and Trader Joe's, many people bag their own groceries. I hope she never thinks anything is below her, and yet I hope she has high aspirations, achieves lofty dreams without considering herself "above" or "below" any job, indeed, any person.

So far, I can report that things seem to be moving towards that end: Her favorite household chore is not unpacking the groceries, not feeding the dogs, but ... scrubbing out the toilets and washing the sinks and mirrors. She thinks it is fun. I know that this, too, like anything that actually helps me, will gradually fade, perhaps to be replaced with a sullen, hostile teenager who likes to take and take and thinks EVERYTHING is beneath her, but so far, so good.

And Mom, you'll be glad to know that I ALWAYS bag my own groceries. You were right after all!!

Leigh appears Mondays on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Leigh on her blog Flipper and Me.