We mothers are united in an alternative universe. 

There are knowing glances, simple nods and shocked expressions we exchange and only we fully comprehend their true meanings. We accurately predict sick calls from school based on eye glaze in the morning.  We can script an entire day based on the mood at the breakfast table.  And we have a miraculous ability to stay one step ahead even though we really feel two steps behind.

There are also those phrases that make the majority of us cringe. Such as “I just never had a problem losing the baby weight”.  Or “Oh, I wouldn’t have done that, but I’m sure things will turn out OK."  And of course, the mother of all phrases, “just you wait”.  It’s “never say never’s” evil step sister.  

While “never say never” forces us to quietly reflect on the number of times we, as parents, have done something we vowed we’d never do, “just you wait” is usually delivered with a condescending tone – even if it’s unintentional.  

Its simple utterance makes us feel that the person delivering this statement has already been there, done that, got the badge to prove it and by the way, we have no idea what we are in for.  And if there is one thing we mothers can’t stand, it’s being told we have no idea what we’re in for.  Especially when it comes to our kids.

Sure, we don’t have a crystal ball.  We can’t predict the future.  But if there’s one thing we’re undeniably good at, it’s preparing for what is to come.   

So much of motherhood is spent getting ready.  It begins the moment we find out we’re having a baby. We go to the doctor diligently, set up our nursery and choose a pediatrician. The baby arrives and although we enjoy our day to day, we’re already carefully prepping for the next phase.   

Before we know it, we’re buying baby proof locks to seal up cabinets, outlets and toilets.  We’re gating the stairs.  Buying the forward facing car seat.  Our baby hits a birthday and we decide to look into preschools, followed by elementary schools.  We blink and it’s middle school.

The list goes on and on, with no signs of slowing down or shrinking.  All the while, as we get ready for what’s next, we know with unending confidence that we can handle our children.  That it doesn’t matter what’s coming our way because our kids are different.  We get them.  And when we get there, we’ll have it all under control.

Really?  

Perhaps we do know best; maybe even better than dad (there is a reason it’s called mother’s intuition).  Yet there’s that tiny twinge of insecurity we always carry around. It surfaces in those darker times as we silently shiver, waiting for the shoe to drop or perhaps, even the bottom to fall out. It appears on certain days when for a few seconds, minutes or even hours, we’re gripped by the fear that we really don’t know what we are doing.  

“Just you wait” can feed this insecurity.  It’s a spoken reminder that even with the meticulous planning and waiting cycle we mothers thrive on, we still may not have figured it all out. That the smiling, harmless mother causally saying “just you wait” may actually know something we have not imagined in our master plan.

And when it comes to our own kids, it’s hard to imagine that we haven’t thought of everything.  

Illyse appears Thursdays on TriangleMom2Mom.