For as long as I can remember, my thighs were the problem. They were too big. These days, it's my stomach that has fallen out of shape, and sometimes over my jeans. And if I can take care of both those areas, I’ll move onto getting my arms back into form.

I’ve never had a good relationship with my body. I’ve always wished it was thinner and taller and stronger. If you track all the time I spend worrying about it, focusing on it, you’d see I’ve wasted a lot of valuable time. I know it, but I can’t seem to get over the obsession, or more importantly, make the changes in my lifestyle so I’m more at peace with my physical self (i.e. cut back on chocolate and sweets and really push myself during workouts).

Despite my failings on that end, when I gave birth to my daughter 2 1/2 years ago I told myself I wouldn’t pass the bad habit onto her. I wanted to lose the baby weight right away and then put away my scale so she would never see me step on it. I told myself I would never criticize my body in front of her. I vowed to eat healthy and exercise not just for me, but for her.

I still have the scale out, but the baby weight is gone (though I’d really like to get rid of another 10 pounds). I talk to my kids about the importance of healthy eating and exercise, but I never talk about losing weight or diets with them.

I hope to keep these promises to myself, and my daughter (and son for that matter), but it is a struggle for me, and for many women.

That’s why I was so happy to read a recent column by Jennifer Huget of the Washington Post. She wrote about an upcoming book by Dara Chadwick that looks at this very topic.

In 2007, Chadwick wrote a weight-loss diary column for Shape Magazine. I never saw the columns but on her blog, Chadwick said that she had shared her concern that her attitude about her body was shaping her daughter’s own feelings about her own body. She has taken that idea and turned it into the book “You’d Be So Pretty If …: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies--Even When We Don’t Love Our Own.”

The book isn’t out yet, it comes out in May, but in her column Huget listed some advice from Chadwick that I thought was great, such as instead of bemoaning yourself when trying on clothes in a dressing room, rephrase the criticism so it is focused on the clothes. She also says to learn to take a compliment graciously, especially if your daughter is around, and sometimes even compliment yourself. My favorite piece of advice from Huget’s column is this:

“Have a sundae now and then. (Chadwick) says: ‘When the family goes out for ice cream and you just order a Diet Coke, that sends your daughter a message. Make good food choices for the most part, but try to make room for a treat.’”

I’m a nighttime eater, or more accurately, a closet eater. I’m the woman who skips ice cream in public but then will reward myself with something sweet later, when no one is looking. Believe me, I know it’s a problem. But maybe an ice cream sundae in public just might help me reach my goal, and if I’m being a good role model, well, that’s even better.

Natalie appears Sundays on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Natalie at her blog A Day at the Park.