Yesterday afternoon, I decided I would drop everything to sit down and watch a movie with my nearly four year-old daughter, Brooke.   After a brief battle of the wills, which of course I lost, we settled on the movie, Little Women.  We watched a newer version featuring Wynona Ryder, Claire Danes and Susan Sarandon, a copy of which my father had only recently sent to Mary, Brooke's older sister.

 Initially, I thought Brooke was too young to watch Little Women. Around here, we're still on Dora, Super Why and Little Einstein's, for the most part.  However,  I realized quickly that she was as captivated as I was with the characters and story.  Maybe, it was her simple amazement, like mine, in seeing how well sisters can get along or the incredible patience their mother had with them, although it's more likely that  was all just my perception. In hindsight, I'm sure that above all Brooke was adoring the beautiful period dresses and ballroom dancing.

In summary, the story of Little Women is about four women and their mother (whom the sisters in the movie lovingly call, "Marmee") trying to survive without the man of the house in the late 19th century, near the end of the Civil War.   By today's standards, the daily struggle of the Little Women  is intense, but their lives were also full of love and laughter. Most amazing to me were the polite manners, quarreling among the sisters only when it was truly necessary  and a sense of  peace and quiet in their home.  By the time we were halfway through the movie, I wanted to climb into my TV and ask,  "Marmee, how do you do it?? What is your secret??"

Yes, I do know that the story is fiction.  I also know that the four girls in the movie were older than my six and four year-old are now and that I could be selling my children and myself short too soon.  Still, as a mother of two daughters and the not-so-proud owner of a loud house and frequently frayed nerves,  I couldn't help but wonder if there are people out there who really do have that kind of peace in their house in 2008? Do any of you and your children respect eachother and mind your manners the way that we all should be when no one else is watching?

Manners do matter a great deal to me.  I was raised by a southern woman who enforced them, but when I look back, aside from at the dinner table, they weren't enforced as much in the home. I want strong, but considerate and compassionate  children who say "yes, please" and "no, thank you" as their second nature, but I realize now, I only really pay attention to that in the outside world. Why?

 Is it possible that in spite of all of the wonderful advancements we've made socially in our culture since the late 19th century, the changes made to politeness and courstesy in the home are one area in which we have done ourselves a disservice?  When exactly did it become acceptable in our homes to speak our minds constantly (and often at a high volume, at that!) without prior thought and without considering the other family members position or eardrums first?  For example,  something as simple as the idea of it being unacceptable to yell up and down stairs simply to communicate that a meal is ready seems so foreign in today's society that it's more like an artifact in a Manner's Museum than something that was a practiced reality.    It all begs the question - why do we demand our children say "please" and "thank you" to everyone they meet, but  lose all efforts at social refinement once our own front door closes?

 I'm happy to have watched the movie. Not only because it was a nice experience to cuddle with my little girl who never stops, but also because it gave me something to aspire to on the manners front  as a mother. I have always frequently told my girls, "Manners Matter" when I notice them not using them with me or with other adults or children (and to their credit, they use them more often than not).  I intend now to also pay attention more to whether or not they use them well with eachother both in the outside world, and when no one else is watching here at home.