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Mom, you ignorant ****!
Most teens enter a phase (that lasts FOREVER!!!) when they think, no, they KNOW, that they are intellectually superior to their parents. They may indulge us by appearing to listen. They may toss in the occasional “Yes, ma’am” just to throw us off. But every sentence they utter has the unspoken phrase, “you ignorant sl*t!” tacked onto the end.
“I already did my homework [you ignorant sl*t!]”
“I told you I was staying after school [you ignorant sl*t!]”
Just listen next time you hear adolescents speaking to their parents. They NEVER use this tone when speaking to other adults because other adults, by virtue of not being their parents, are wise, understanding and cool. Their own parents are, by definition, uncool, stupid losers!
A couple of other components of teenguage include:
Phrase: “Word”
Usage: Response when your parent has said something that you agree with or want to appear to agree with.
Example:
Mom: “Honey, did you do your homework?”
Teen: “Word”
Real Meaning: “You’ve just said something that you clearly want me to agree with. So I’m going to agree so that you will leave me alone so I can go back to texting my friends.”
Phrase: “Ya think?”
Usage: Response to something stated that is actually self-evident.
Example:
Mom: “That kid is pretty stupid to ride that scooter barefoot.”
Teen: “Ya think?”
Real Meaning: “You are such an uncool, stupid loser that you think I don’t know that what you said is so completely self-evident that it didn’t need to be said. But if I don’t respond, you will probably get mad.”
When they told us we had to take a language in order to get into college, they didn’t tell us that the language we really needed to learn hadn’t even been developed yet. It’s an organic thing, this teenguage.
It’s a sociological phenomenon repeated by every generation. And there’s no way you can prepare for it, except maybe by remembering how you used “gnarly” or “as if!”
Diane appears every Saturday on TriangleMom2Mom. To read more about Diane, go to Live and Let Di.
Live and Let Di
Diane is a TriangleMom2Mom featured blogger, appearing every Wednesday.
I try to be the voice of Moms with teens. My daughter Haley is 16. She's at that age where she is convinced that I know nothing. I'm thinking I'll seem a lot smarter when she's 22. We bond over Broadway shows. My son Rory is 13. He started reading the sports page when he was 5 and his passion for anything sports-related has grown ever since. This year he beat out 9 guys in their 40s to win his Fantasy Football League. Watch for him on ESPN in a few years.
My husband Hurley works from home, but travels quite a bit. When he's gone, I usually take a break from making dinner and cleaning the house. Oh, I don't do those things regularly when he's here either! Our parenting philosophy is "choose your battles." The only problem is that we often choose different battles. It keeps it interesting!!!
Comments
This is hilarious and oh so true
I dread the teenage years although at 3 I'm already getting the eye rolling.
Love your new word teenguage! I seem to have done things about the same way. I am feeling the teenage thing with you.
Deborah Harris