As with most 5-year-olds, my son loves to ask questions. Lots of questions.  From “What is the tallest building in the world?” to “What animal runs the fastest?” to “Why do people die?”  Luckily, I am able to answer most of the questions with help of Google, talking about our religious faith, or by simply telling him that there are some questions with no answers. But every now and then a question comes up that stumps me.

“Mommy, when are you a grownup?”

I told them that you are an adult at age 18.  

“Is an adult the same thing as a grownup?”

Silence.  It was one of the few times that I had no idea what to say. For ease, I wish that I could say yes, but I didn’t want to lie to him. I have always thought that an adult and a grownup are not the same thing.  I know many people well into their third or fourth decade of life who I just couldn’t call a grownup.

I wanted to tell him that a grownup is something that you become slowly and not something that magically happens on your 18th birthday. I thought about explaining that each situation that you face where you have to make a major decision by yourself brings you closer to being a grownup.  I contemplated giving him the advice that the final step to becoming a grownup is to realize that you are grownup.

But I knew that this philosophizing would be lost on a boy whose hero was Lightening McQueen and life’s goal was to get other people to put on his shoes for him.

I thought about my journey to being a grownup and wondered if explaining that to him would help. Getting married, buying a house, and becoming a parent were big leaps toward grown-up-dom.  As was the day that I realized that I had two different varieties of olive oil and three different flavors of vinegar in my cabinet.  There were many large and small events over the years that had given me confidence that I could make good decisions for me and my family.

I quickly came to the conclusion that this would just confuse my son. Then it hit me.  

“Trevor, you are a grownup when you are the one to scoop the dead fish out of the tank and clean up the mess when someone throws up in the car.”

I saw a light of recognition and then he made a face.

“Yuck. I don’t want to be a grownup” he said and ran over to look for his football.

Jennifer appears Mondays on TriangleMom2Mom.