Consume. Consume. Consume. I feel like that’s all I do these days.

I must consume.

You’d think that with this economic downturn, I could control my spending habits, but I can’t. I’ve tried and tried, but I can’t, or more likely, I don’t want to.

Over the past few years, I’ve developed this horrible habit. I feel the need to purchase something, anything, every day. If the day is drawing to a close and I haven’t handed a stack of bills or my credit card to a cashier, I get nagging feeling that something is not quite right, similar to the feeling I get when I’ve lost something.

There are so many problems with this, I know. The most obvious is that it’s hard on my pocketbook. It’s no wonder my budget doesn’t balance each month, no matter what kind of tricks I play with the numbers.

I need to clarify here. I don’t spend a lot of money. I just spend some every day.

I don’t buy lavish things. I rarely buy new clothes or shoes. My house could use a little more decorating. For more than a year, my husband and I have talked about, and occasionally shopped for, a couch to replace the juice-, milk-, and you-name-it-stained one in our living room. “It’s embarrassing,” my husband insists. I agree.

But two things work against us getting a new couch and work for me in my ability to reign in my spending habit. One, I’m frugal, and two, I’m somewhat indecisive when it comes to big purchases. So unless a large pile of money magically appears on the couch one day, along with a catalog filled with simple, modern couches, ours will stay.

Mostly I spend my money at the grocery store. My “must buy” mentality stems mostly from my love of grocery stores (though I really don’t like to cook). I used to go to the grocery store once a day, finding any excuse to get there, but now I’m trying to limit myself to three times a week. My other weakness, like many of you, is Target. Thank goodness the nearest one is about 20 minutes away, but while I’m out there, I may pop into Michael’s or the new teacher supply store in search of new ideas for activities for my kids.

The other night I tallied up the money I had left this month for groceries, gas and other necessities and then wondered how many nights my kids would eat spaghetti for dinner without complaining. I always curse the months with 31 days. Despite that, the next day I found myself walking out of Michael’s with two bottles of glitter and some Halloween stickers.

Today, I nearly made it the whole day without buying anything, and told my husband about my accomplishment after dinner. But an hour later, I was at a coffee shop and I broke down and carried a bottle of water to the checkout. Luckily for me, I had left my wallet at home.

The kind man behind the counter told me to take the water and pay him the next time I came into the shop. I couldn’t resist myself though. I fished out three coins from my purse, and that feeling that I had lost something suddenly was gone.

Natalie appears Sundays on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Natalie at her blog A Day at the Park.