My children are five and almost three years old.  They already know, as well as they are able to understand, that Santa is not real.  Think that’s a tragedy?  Wait until you hear that I’m the one who “ruined” it for them.

There are a lot of hot-button issues in the so-called Mommy Wars, with formula vs. breastmilk and working vs. staying at home probably at the top.  But most of us will respect each other’s decisions or at least keep the disapproval to ourselves in person.  I’ve never been made to feel like a bad mommy for any of the predictable reasons.  I will not, however, soon forget the look of horror I once received when I explained that I was not going to “do the Santa thing.”

Don’t get me wrong.  I like Santa.  We have Santa ornaments on our tree and I can recite “Twas the Night Before Christmas” from memory.  Santa can be fun to imagine.  But I see no reason to subject my little ones to some stranger at the mall or to encourage them to write letters to someone who does not exist. 

I can’t say exactly what made me decide against trying to make him real for my kids.  I didn’t believe in him as a child, at least not when I was old enough to remember.  My parents still wrote “from Santa” on the gift tags and snuck extra presents in after we were in bed.  But we were all in on the joke.  We had fun pretending as a family.  This may have been part of my decision.

Someone once explained to me that she hated Christmas for several years because she had believed in Santa.  She was 10 before she figured out that he was only make-believe.  She felt like she was the last one to know and was teased mercilessly by her friends for being so gullible.  This might have helped me decide.

It’s also possible that I’ve seen one too many holiday specials where someone “saves” Christmas by getting Santa out of a jam.  We are a Christian family so to us Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ.  I don’t want Santa to become the focus.  I dislike the gimme attitude that Santa seems to invoke.  I dislike the notion that children receive presents based on their behavior.  I want my kids to know that we give and receive presents out of love.  They helped me shop for and wrap presents to kids in need through our church.  I want them to see this broader sense of love and I want them to see it in everyone, not just Santa. 

I’m sure I could spin things for them if I wanted to.  I could come up with a pretty good story about why we need to help Santa with some of the presents and I’m sure I could explain about houses without chimneys and what happens when we’re away from home.  But I just choose not to. 

At the same time, I respect the magic that some parents feel Santa brings to Christmas and I sincerely hope my children don’t spoil any other family’s tradition.  I’d just like to feel less alone in my position.  People in the check-out line ask my kids if they’ve written to Santa and others ask what Santa is bringing for them and I haven’t really come up with good answers.  Last year, my then four-year-old made “reindeer food” (oatmeal mixed with glitter) in preschool and came home completely baffled as to what he should do with it.  Sometimes it just feels as though everyone else is trying to convince my children that I’m the one who’s lying to them.  I’ll keep doing my best to explain why so many people like to pretend Santa is real and hopefully they’ll enjoy being in on the secret.  I just hope the truth isn’t more confusing than the fiction in this case.