Well, we're only having one but here we are in our 40's having our first and probably last baby. So far I haven't found any local groups focusing on the over 40 first time parent crowd. I know that there has got to be others out there, so I hope that they speak up.
We just had our baby girl four months ago. I was 44 when she was born. We waited along time for her. What a joy. I wish I could meet some new moms my age---I attend a couple of breast feeding support groups but the mothers are mostly much younger. I know the older moms are out there---I just haven't found them in the nursing mom groups I attend. Any ideas on how to meet older moms in my area?
I'm a mom in her 40's and i feel the same...needing to chat with other moms over 40. I think we all need encouragement and some support. I had my daughter when I was 40 1/2. :) She's 2 1/2 and i'm 43. Also, since my daughter will more than likely be an only child would like to meet some adult "onlys" that might have some advice for us that were 1 of 2 or more and are raising an "only".
My husband and I had our first child three months ago and we are both 44. I have other friends with new babies but no one near my age. I would like to communicate with others close to my age who are first time moms. I've looked online and this forum is the closest thing I have found. I look forward to any communication or support.
Hello, everyone! I'm 37 with an 11mo old, so I know I don't reeeeallly qualify for the "over 40" crowd just yet... but I am at LEAST ten years older than all the moms I meet at playgroups. I had a difficult time staying preggo w/my son so I have a feeling he'll be our one-and-only. Any insight or support for the "advanced maternal age" mamas?
Hello everyone! I'm 41 and have a 20 month old - and I'm so glad to find some other Mom's who are 'out there' too. The toughest part for me has been just taking care to keep up my stamina and energy levels...the biggest thing I do for myself is I go to bed as soon as I can after my son is asleep. I'd love to join a local group if there's one or maybe we can start one?
Congrats! My son is 20 months and I'm 41...I hope to have another in the future too. If you want to connect out of N&O, my email is mshellj@ctc.net. I tried for months to find a local support for 'like' new moms because but never really found any.
I'm a 43-year-old mom of an 8-year-old boy. My husband and I are trying to have another child. I would love to meet other older moms and learn about their experiences as older parents. Is there a way that those of us who are interested in meeting each other can somehow get together? I live in Wake Forest.
Thanks so much for introducing yourself! Yes - members can always arrange meetings amongst themselves (just click on their user ID and private message them by clicking "talk to me"), but getting everybody together has been a goal of mine too. I'd love to meet everybody! If people are interested, let me know ...
Hello Ladies! My beautiful baby girl was born the day after my 44th bday! She is now 19 months old and the love of our life! I too find other mothers much younger than myself (to no surprise, lol) Actually, I often get addressed as "Grandma" by strangers. I lOVE being her mom and would love to give her a sibling even though I am now 45 and my hubby 47! I love finding a place where people understand!
After years of trying we had our baby girl just before our 42nd birthdays. Life with her is wonderful!!! Although I am the oldest in my local mommy group (they all think I am about 35), the average age is about 38. So I am luck to have 'contemporaries'. But now that we are thinking of a second, the five year difference is huge. I would love to chat with any others that are thinking of a second this late in the game.
I'm 38 with a 6yr old and a 9 yr old! I often feel like I'm a little older than many more moms, because women these days are either waiting until late in life, or having them at 18! I dont care though, I feel like I'm 18 inside and have just as much energy as them!!
One never knows how things will go as time passes, but as an older parent, these are some things that I think about:
- if my age will somehow affect my childs socialization
- if my age will affect how my child moves through adolesence
- how much of an impact their college experience will impact our "retirement" (if we ever do get to retire!) as I figure they will be entering college just as we turn 65
- how will I keep up with them physically, as they become more & more active?
(BTW, if you do plan on other children -- plan quickly! It just gets harder to become pregnant!)
Let us all just think of ourselves as "more experienced and more knowledgable" moms at an older age. I am 43 with a 5yr old and 1 yr old. As far as stamina to keep up with the kids is concerned, it depends on your health and weight. Yes, it is true, all of my high school friends have kids old enough to be out of school or going to college and I am just starting-Kindergarten......BUT,
I love that I confuse all the people out there about my age. They always guess me younger. So yes, my kids will be college age when I am in my mid- 60's, but I think they are helping me to stay young. So does our cronilogical age really matter? God gave us these loving children at just the right time in our lives. Also, there is more than enough people on this forum who understand each other, and we are all in the same boat ! We can talk amongst ourselves for support!!!!! The road is long, yes,so- Ladies,Just enjoy the journey!!!!!! By the way, Sarah- I think getting together is a good idea
This is for ELLENSNELL or any other mom my "being an older mom" advice or "being an only" experience may help.
Hi, I saw you on the forum and I thought I would respond to your post. I thought I was going to have an only child as well, but after an operation I needed-I thought my chances were slim to have another child and especially at my age. I had the operation in Sept and by Feb I was expecting (and 42). I told God and everyone else I wanted another one and that is history. Don't let your age or any problems get you down. If you want another then keep trying. I know you wanted to hear from "onlys" but I was an only until I was 11 yrs old and it was kind of lonely. I didn't want my child to be one as well but told my child it might be a possibility. Either way I am sure your child will be fine. My child was all set to be an only child but was very happy to find out differently. I am just glad The Lord heard my prayers and I hope you keep trying if that is your prayer. The Lord gives us only what we can handle and gives us exactly what we need when we need it-I believe this. I hope and pray you are blessed with what you need,want and truely desire in your heart.
Wow, I wrote my comments 4 months ago and haven't checked the forum in a while. I am encouraged by all the other moms out there. I would love to find a way to get together. Is anyone else interested? What's the best way to do that? Maybe meet at a local mall or kid-friendly restaurant? My daughter is now 7 months old and I am staying home with her and badly in need of support from other moms.
At 43, I am the mom of a 19 year old daughter and a 6 month old son. Yes, the son was a bit of a shocker at first, but he is perfect and wonderful and we could not imagine life without him now. (Yes, I graduated my girl from high school and a month later delivered my son.) I think that motherhood is better when you're older; you know what's important and what is not.
I much to my surprise found out I was pregnant 243 and delivered ahealthy baby boy 05/19/08 @44. He is 8 months old now and I am 45. I am looking to connect with other moms over 40. Would be happy to chat with all but would also like to find people in my area. I live in Port Jefferson, NY. My son is a miracle and is meant to be here !
Hi baby2008, I also am 45 and have a 7 month old son, born June 21, 2008. I too feel that my son is a miracle, I guess because I wanted him for so long and went through so much to get him here safely. I'm also looking to chat, email, blog, whatever with others who are my age. I'm taking advantage of the Family Leave Act to stay home with my son this year, and am not sure whether I'll go back to my teaching job or not next year. In any case, I'm so grateful to be able to be with my son every day, but am also finding that I'm feeling very lonely and more than a little isolated -- so I was relieved to read triangle twins post! I'd love to find people here in Cincinnati who are in the same position, but I've pretty much given up on that. I think I'm the only first time mom in town who is over 40! In any case, I'll take any support I can get!
Does anyone live in Wake County and wish to meet for coffee or something like that? If so, please e-mail me directly or send a private message - ctercyak@yahoo.com
Does anyone happen to live near Clearwater, FL? I'm a new mom to a beautiful 15 week old daughter, and would love to meet moms my own age -- in their 40's I'm 44.
i became pregnant at 44 and gave birth at 45 to a healthy baby boy on 12/11/08. i live in west haven, ct. which is on the metro north connection and not to far. i am looking to connect with older moms over 40. i feel the same way you do my son is meant to be here too.
Hello, we have a beautiful 3 1/2 yr old boy, I am 45 and we are tossing around the idea of either doing egg donation or adoption. There seems to be a long wait for adoption, so we're thinking more towards egg donation. But then again, I think about being 45 and having a newborn. Is anyone out there in this predicament ?
Hi, I live in Rocky Hill and have been looking if there are any support groups for moms in there 40's. I'm 45 and have a 3 1/2 yrs old. We are looking to maybe do egg donation or adopt this yr.
hi there!!!!! At last people like me!!! My husband and I have been raising our 4 children ages 20,19,18,and 15. We were so excited to find out on our 20th anniversary we were pregnant!!!! I had my 5th child June 2008 Sophia Grace!!!!!!!!!! I had turned 40 3 months before she was born. I love being a mon again.I do not like however that when out with my daughters ages 15 and 19 people automatically expect Im grandma!!! I do not look like a grandma not being vain but it does get a little old.However we are now thinking of adding another (Im 41 now) but it sounds like I have the same worries as everyother mom out there.I am trying to get back into the swing of things like the park and swimming again,its not that I havent done these things with my other children its just the way that we did it.We used to be laid back, taking time to pamper and sit and spend time I dont know just not running around crazy doing housework,laundry making dinner and taking a shower in the 20 minutes that our little angel sleeps in a row!!!!! Im not complaining I gladly deal with this because I love her sooo much.I have no hope of getting together with you all because I live in Alberta Canada but I would love to chat with you other moms and trade experiences.
just to add that my mother found out she was pregnant when she was 45. My mother and my older sister were actually pregnant together. I had just had my second son and 8 months later my mom had a baby and 5 months later my sister had her baby.Can you imagine the conversations there!!!! My mom is now 62 and my sister 17 and shes the greatest!! My moms advice to me is having one child at 45 is fine but running around after 2 would be exhausting.especially at 60 having 2 to drive to sports or just their arguing.I dont know if that helps but thats her advice,me Im thinking that my child will be lonely?............
who know what to do!!!!!
I'm in my 40's with twins, and I agree that it can be exhausting. I wish I could be more active with them but I seem to choose activities where I conserve energy. My strategy is to direct energy & patience so that I can go the distance of the day.
For the first time, someone referred to my son as my "grandson." I'm still stunned. I wondered, Do I really look that old? What will be said when they are 16 (and I am 60)? How will my children feel about it?
ouch!!! I know how that feels.I have that happen everytime I go out with my older children. Today we went swimming and I watched a parade of moms with babies and the moms all really did look like my daughters age(19). As long as its just me and my husband people dont even blink. I swam and after getting all changed I nursed her, did a lunch out with family,picked up older kids from work,rushed home,then out again for a meeting tonight, I am soo tired I must plan better.
Hi, I'm a Mom of a four year old in my forties. I just found this site and am glad to hear from other "older" Moms. I started a new site because I know there are so many of us but aren't many groups available for us to connect. Most information and groups are for Moms in their 20's and 30's. Check out my site www.newmomsover40.com. Would love for you to share your stories and ideas.
Hi, I'm not in your area but we are out there. It is hard to find us though. Seems most groups are for the younger Mom crowed. :) We adopted our daugther when I was 45 and she is almost 4. We are so blessed to have her.
Hi,
I found this website when looking for moms over 40 groups. We have one child and are thinking of trying for another. I'm 42. It's great to hear that I'm not alone. I checked my local area (Nashville) and there are not any groups for older moms. Anyone from that area? I agree that it's hard to have much in common with a 20 year old mom. Of course, we all share the common bond of being moms, but there are unique challenges to the 40+ set. Would love to hear from anyone near Nashville.
I have several friends in my MOPS group who are in their 40's. My grandmother was 40 when she had my dad. I think it's more common than people realize, esp these days with more women working and getting settled in careers first before starting a family :)
Sarah ~ mother of 5, blessed wife of 10 years Crossroads MOPS (for moms of children infant-kindergarten)
http://crossroadsmops.net
Hello I am 42 ys old and I've being wishing to have a baby for so long, with my actual relationship I thought He (42) wanted to have a baby also he has already a 11ys old daugther and He is a wonderful Father, so after 2.5 yrs of relationship and with marriage plans he told me last week that he doesn't want to be a father again and that we are too old to have a baby knowing that my best dream is being a Mom. I feel so drepressed because I love him very much and I feel very disappointed because he never told me before. Please I need advises in how Can I convince him to make my dream come true. I have a big faith in God and for Him everything is possible.
Hi! I'm Tracy. I am 43 and my husband is 56, and we have a 7 year old daughter. I can totally relate to what you're feeling because my husband does not want to try to have another child because he thinks he is too old and he's afraid of the risk of Down Syndrome. I just have to hope that I can convince him and the baby (if I do get pregnant) will be healthy. Sometimes I do get so depressed that we did not have another child earlier. I thought we would have one when our daughter was 4, but we haven't even tried because my sister got pregnant with her 1st child when ours was 3, and I didn't want to take any attention away from her, so I thought we would try after she had hers. Then, a few months after my sister had her baby, we found out that my stepdaughter was pregnant. She was 26 and was not married, so it was a total shock to me! That was 3 years ago, and at first I thought that my husband and I couldn't have any more kids because she had one...But I find myself thinking that I shouldn't let the fact that she had a baby ruin my happiness for the rest of my life! So, we'll see...
Hi! I am 42 and have a 2.5 year old. I was beginning to wonder if all moms around here were under 30 too. I have been to several stores and folks ask "how old is your grandson?". I am just shocked by this, so I can completely understand what GeGe said!
I would love to meet other moms over 40. Please let me know where.
Many of my co-workers have older children and are not interested in tots!
I too have been thinking about a second child. I spoke with a genetic counsler about some of the issues mentioned here and the percentages are still in our favor that we would have a healthy child!
Hi, I am 40, almost 41, and am debating whether to start a family with my fiance. I have not wanted children in the past because I felt I didn't have patience for them and also poor choice of partners. Now I find myself thinking about it and know that my partner is OK with it either way. But I wonder about having a child so late in the game and how he/she will feel about having a 60 year old mom in her teens, how will this impact my carefree life I've had so far (I know, sounds selfish), and having a child in college when I am ready to retire. I am really on the fence and haven't found much information on the net about how this has impacted women especially as they get older and the children are older, i.e. late fifties with a teenager. Anyone have input, pro's and con's?
Hi Everybody!
My name is Angel--aka Flower Power Mom.
I was born in 1960 and had my children at nearly 42 and 45, through natural conception. They are now 4 and 7 years old.
The journey of conception, pregnancy and raising my children has been a unique experience--we are old enough to be grandmothers, having children amongst other mothers of a younger generation.
One of my first experiences was a sense of social isolation. Also, as older mothers, we are inevitably facing perimenopause and menopause while still raising young children. We may be part of the "sandwich" generation, caring for elderly parents. We could really benefit from peer support.
To share the experience, and to help empower all over 40 moms, I have just started http://www.flowerpowermom.com a free website and newsletter to offer information, commentary and what's on info for midlife moms. Please share your thoughts and experiences--we're all in this together!
I am so glad I found this website. I am 42yrs old and thinking about having a baby for the first time. is it reasonable? is it practical? I am scared to try and scared to miss out on motherhood...help!
I was very lucky to have my son at 28 and my daughter at 32 but my joy ended this year with the demise of my lovely daughter who was 9 years of age. Now at 41 iam planning to conceive again.This site really gave me hope that I can still look for a new life who can give a way to be happy.
My husband and I had a beautiful, healthy and happy little boy last year. I was the ripe age of 45 when he was born! I couldn't be happier. To Khadija42 who asked Is it reasonable? I say "Absolutely!" Is it practical? "It's no more impractical than having a baby at 20 or 30 or 40" I know I am a better mother today than I would have been in my younger years - I am much less career-driven and much more family-oriented. I think my son is getting the very best of me - now!
I conceived my first child at 42 and had her just after I turned 43. She is now 15 months. She is without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened in my life. At times I am still in awe that this miracle baby is here -- because of my age but also just because... If you really want to have a baby, I would encourage you not to let age stand in your way. Granted the chances of certain difficulties do increase with age but my daughter has absolutely no issues and I conceived (naturally) within just three months of trying. Although I have a relationship with my daughter's father, I am pretty much raising her on my own. Still, I am a firm believer that "conventional" does not necessarily equate to "preferable" -- my daughter has a mom who is totally devoted with the patience, experience and stability to guide her in life. And to those who fear their age may someday be an embarrassment to their children -- please, what teenager is NOT embarrassed by her parents for something! I may now be 44, but I still remember what it was like to be 14... Good luck everyone. May you be as blessed as me.
Khadija42: Is it reasonable? Or practical?
Yes, probably now more than ever.
Having a child at any age will have a cost: in terms of energy, money, time, patience, personal sacrifices. But I echo what others have said; I think I'm a much better mother now, for my age, than I would have been 10, 15 or 20 years ago.
If you would like to have a child in your life, please don't wait. The ability to conceive over the age of 40 diminishes with time. I hate to say it but time is running out.
I was scared too. Not sure if I was ready, or if I could handle it. That's why I waited so long. I wondered if it would be a mistake to have a child before I felt 100% ready, but I didn't know when I'd be 100% ready, or if I'd ever be. (Do parents ever feel 100% ready??) Like you, I didn't want to miss out on motherhood. No one knows how it will turn out. For me to go ahead and plan a pregnancy took a leap of faith. Now it see that it's amazing and wonder why I waited so long. I adore my son and daughter - they are the joys of my life.
As I said, if you're over 40, time IS running out. This was hard for me to accept. You hear of women over 40 having healthy babies all the time, like celebrities in the press. But I would guess that the majority of those babies are from donor eggs.
I had trouble conceiving because of my age. I remember being really angry at the notion floating out there that careers can come first and families can wait, and a woman can have it all. It's not that easy. Part of me feels like I was mis-lead. I wish somebody slapped me in the face at age 40 and said, "Get to it! The clock is running out!" Just because you and your body feel young, doesn't mean that it is so.
Of course, some woman do conceive in their 40's, as evidenced in the responses above. It may help to know when your mother began menopause (I read that a womans eggs begin to deteriorate about 10 years before menopausal onset), or you can go to a fertility MD for an assessment.
I'm sorry to put the pressure on; it's probably the last thing you want to hear. But you just can't run from the clock. Think about it.
What will it be like immidiately after I have my baby? I am wondering if I should leave fl. Where I am on my own, and return to cousin in okc. With aunt nearby. Father is out of the picture. Doesn't care.
I really want to be home with my child as much as possible I don't trust people to keep him, yet.
It can be helpful to have family (who you can trust) nearby. They might be able to help you out in a pinch, and step in when you need them - like if you get sick, or have to work. Maybe feel them out as to how much they would want to be involved, before you expect it from them.
Hi Ellen, my name is Paula. We are just about in the same boat. My son is 3 (January 7) I am 43 and will turn 44 in June. I was raised with a younger sister, my husband was raised with an older brother - but our son is going to be an "only". I am not sure what advice I can offer except to say: 1) since making our decision to have only one child, I have sought out and spoken to a bunch of older kids and adult who were an only child - none seem any worse off for it! 2) we socialize as much as possible with other families with a child or children our son's age 3) we put him in pre-school this year and he is doing GREAT - no socialization issues (he has never been to daycare) 4) we network with our local mom's club to ensure lots of playmates and friend and finally, 5) even if you did have another baby - your daughter would still kind of be an "only" right now - it is not like a baby brother or sister would be a playmate.
Well, hope you feel better, and I very much would like to continue this dialogue with you.
Comments
Well, we're only having one but here we are in our 40's having our first and probably last baby. So far I haven't found any local groups focusing on the over 40 first time parent crowd. I know that there has got to be others out there, so I hope that they speak up.
We just had our baby girl four months ago. I was 44 when she was born. We waited along time for her. What a joy. I wish I could meet some new moms my age---I attend a couple of breast feeding support groups but the mothers are mostly much younger. I know the older moms are out there---I just haven't found them in the nursing mom groups I attend. Any ideas on how to meet older moms in my area?
I'm a mom in her 40's and i feel the same...needing to chat with other moms over 40. I think we all need encouragement and some support. I had my daughter when I was 40 1/2. :) She's 2 1/2 and i'm 43. Also, since my daughter will more than likely be an only child would like to meet some adult "onlys" that might have some advice for us that were 1 of 2 or more and are raising an "only".
My husband and I had our first child three months ago and we are both 44. I have other friends with new babies but no one near my age. I would like to communicate with others close to my age who are first time moms. I've looked online and this forum is the closest thing I have found. I look forward to any communication or support.
I.m 38 and just had my first 4 weeks ago.
Hello, everyone! I'm 37 with an 11mo old, so I know I don't reeeeallly qualify for the "over 40" crowd just yet... but I am at LEAST ten years older than all the moms I meet at playgroups. I had a difficult time staying preggo w/my son so I have a feeling he'll be our one-and-only. Any insight or support for the "advanced maternal age" mamas?
Hello everyone! I'm 41 and have a 20 month old - and I'm so glad to find some other Mom's who are 'out there' too. The toughest part for me has been just taking care to keep up my stamina and energy levels...the biggest thing I do for myself is I go to bed as soon as I can after my son is asleep. I'd love to join a local group if there's one or maybe we can start one?
Congrats! My son is 20 months and I'm 41...I hope to have another in the future too. If you want to connect out of N&O, my email is mshellj@ctc.net. I tried for months to find a local support for 'like' new moms because but never really found any.
Hi,
I'm a 43-year-old mom of an 8-year-old boy. My husband and I are trying to have another child. I would love to meet other older moms and learn about their experiences as older parents. Is there a way that those of us who are interested in meeting each other can somehow get together? I live in Wake Forest.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Claire
Hi Claire,
Thanks so much for introducing yourself! Yes - members can always arrange meetings amongst themselves (just click on their user ID and private message them by clicking "talk to me"), but getting everybody together has been a goal of mine too. I'd love to meet everybody! If people are interested, let me know ...
Sarah (site editor)
Hello Ladies! My beautiful baby girl was born the day after my 44th bday! She is now 19 months old and the love of our life! I too find other mothers much younger than myself (to no surprise, lol) Actually, I often get addressed as "Grandma" by strangers. I lOVE being her mom and would love to give her a sibling even though I am now 45 and my hubby 47! I love finding a place where people understand!
After years of trying we had our baby girl just before our 42nd birthdays. Life with her is wonderful!!! Although I am the oldest in my local mommy group (they all think I am about 35), the average age is about 38. So I am luck to have 'contemporaries'. But now that we are thinking of a second, the five year difference is huge. I would love to chat with any others that are thinking of a second this late in the game.
I'm 38 with a 6yr old and a 9 yr old! I often feel like I'm a little older than many more moms, because women these days are either waiting until late in life, or having them at 18! I dont care though, I feel like I'm 18 inside and have just as much energy as them!!
I had our twins soon after I turned 44.
One never knows how things will go as time passes, but as an older parent, these are some things that I think about:
- if my age will somehow affect my childs socialization
- if my age will affect how my child moves through adolesence
- how much of an impact their college experience will impact our "retirement" (if we ever do get to retire!) as I figure they will be entering college just as we turn 65
- how will I keep up with them physically, as they become more & more active?
(BTW, if you do plan on other children -- plan quickly! It just gets harder to become pregnant!)
Let us all just think of ourselves as "more experienced and more knowledgable" moms at an older age. I am 43 with a 5yr old and 1 yr old. As far as stamina to keep up with the kids is concerned, it depends on your health and weight. Yes, it is true, all of my high school friends have kids old enough to be out of school or going to college and I am just starting-Kindergarten......BUT,
I love that I confuse all the people out there about my age. They always guess me younger. So yes, my kids will be college age when I am in my mid- 60's, but I think they are helping me to stay young. So does our cronilogical age really matter? God gave us these loving children at just the right time in our lives. Also, there is more than enough people on this forum who understand each other, and we are all in the same boat ! We can talk amongst ourselves for support!!!!! The road is long, yes,so- Ladies,Just enjoy the journey!!!!!! By the way, Sarah- I think getting together is a good idea
This is for ELLENSNELL or any other mom my "being an older mom" advice or "being an only" experience may help.
Hi, I saw you on the forum and I thought I would respond to your post. I thought I was going to have an only child as well, but after an operation I needed-I thought my chances were slim to have another child and especially at my age. I had the operation in Sept and by Feb I was expecting (and 42). I told God and everyone else I wanted another one and that is history. Don't let your age or any problems get you down. If you want another then keep trying. I know you wanted to hear from "onlys" but I was an only until I was 11 yrs old and it was kind of lonely. I didn't want my child to be one as well but told my child it might be a possibility. Either way I am sure your child will be fine. My child was all set to be an only child but was very happy to find out differently. I am just glad The Lord heard my prayers and I hope you keep trying if that is your prayer. The Lord gives us only what we can handle and gives us exactly what we need when we need it-I believe this. I hope and pray you are blessed with what you need,want and truely desire in your heart.
ASMOM
What area ARE you in?
Wow, I wrote my comments 4 months ago and haven't checked the forum in a while. I am encouraged by all the other moms out there. I would love to find a way to get together. Is anyone else interested? What's the best way to do that? Maybe meet at a local mall or kid-friendly restaurant? My daughter is now 7 months old and I am staying home with her and badly in need of support from other moms.
At 43, I am the mom of a 19 year old daughter and a 6 month old son. Yes, the son was a bit of a shocker at first, but he is perfect and wonderful and we could not imagine life without him now. (Yes, I graduated my girl from high school and a month later delivered my son.) I think that motherhood is better when you're older; you know what's important and what is not.
Good point. I feel as though maturity is an advantage. I am more level-headed and much less self-absorbed than I was 15 years ago.
I think that having a new baby can be isolating, but I wonder if it is even more so for the "more mature" mother.
I know that I felt very isolated, and thought part of the reason was because I didn't have very many friends in the same situation.
I much to my surprise found out I was pregnant 243 and delivered ahealthy baby boy 05/19/08 @44. He is 8 months old now and I am 45. I am looking to connect with other moms over 40. Would be happy to chat with all but would also like to find people in my area. I live in Port Jefferson, NY. My son is a miracle and is meant to be here !
Hi baby2008, I also am 45 and have a 7 month old son, born June 21, 2008. I too feel that my son is a miracle, I guess because I wanted him for so long and went through so much to get him here safely. I'm also looking to chat, email, blog, whatever with others who are my age. I'm taking advantage of the Family Leave Act to stay home with my son this year, and am not sure whether I'll go back to my teaching job or not next year. In any case, I'm so grateful to be able to be with my son every day, but am also finding that I'm feeling very lonely and more than a little isolated -- so I was relieved to read triangle twins post! I'd love to find people here in Cincinnati who are in the same position, but I've pretty much given up on that. I think I'm the only first time mom in town who is over 40! In any case, I'll take any support I can get!
Does anyone live in Wake County and wish to meet for coffee or something like that? If so, please e-mail me directly or send a private message - ctercyak@yahoo.com
Hi Ladies,
Does anyone happen to live near Clearwater, FL? I'm a new mom to a beautiful 15 week old daughter, and would love to meet moms my own age -- in their 40's I'm 44.
Please write back!
Thanks,
Heidi
hi baby2008,
i became pregnant at 44 and gave birth at 45 to a healthy baby boy on 12/11/08. i live in west haven, ct. which is on the metro north connection and not to far. i am looking to connect with older moms over 40. i feel the same way you do my son is meant to be here too.
Hello, we have a beautiful 3 1/2 yr old boy, I am 45 and we are tossing around the idea of either doing egg donation or adoption. There seems to be a long wait for adoption, so we're thinking more towards egg donation. But then again, I think about being 45 and having a newborn. Is anyone out there in this predicament ?
Hi, I live in Rocky Hill and have been looking if there are any support groups for moms in there 40's. I'm 45 and have a 3 1/2 yrs old. We are looking to maybe do egg donation or adopt this yr.
hi there!!!!! At last people like me!!! My husband and I have been raising our 4 children ages 20,19,18,and 15. We were so excited to find out on our 20th anniversary we were pregnant!!!! I had my 5th child June 2008 Sophia Grace!!!!!!!!!! I had turned 40 3 months before she was born. I love being a mon again.I do not like however that when out with my daughters ages 15 and 19 people automatically expect Im grandma!!! I do not look like a grandma not being vain but it does get a little old.However we are now thinking of adding another (Im 41 now) but it sounds like I have the same worries as everyother mom out there.I am trying to get back into the swing of things like the park and swimming again,its not that I havent done these things with my other children its just the way that we did it.We used to be laid back, taking time to pamper and sit and spend time I dont know just not running around crazy doing housework,laundry making dinner and taking a shower in the 20 minutes that our little angel sleeps in a row!!!!! Im not complaining I gladly deal with this because I love her sooo much.I have no hope of getting together with you all because I live in Alberta Canada but I would love to chat with you other moms and trade experiences.
just to add that my mother found out she was pregnant when she was 45. My mother and my older sister were actually pregnant together. I had just had my second son and 8 months later my mom had a baby and 5 months later my sister had her baby.Can you imagine the conversations there!!!! My mom is now 62 and my sister 17 and shes the greatest!! My moms advice to me is having one child at 45 is fine but running around after 2 would be exhausting.especially at 60 having 2 to drive to sports or just their arguing.I dont know if that helps but thats her advice,me Im thinking that my child will be lonely?............
who know what to do!!!!!
I'm in my 40's with twins, and I agree that it can be exhausting. I wish I could be more active with them but I seem to choose activities where I conserve energy. My strategy is to direct energy & patience so that I can go the distance of the day.
It happened to me today.
For the first time, someone referred to my son as my "grandson." I'm still stunned. I wondered, Do I really look that old? What will be said when they are 16 (and I am 60)? How will my children feel about it?
ouch!!! I know how that feels.I have that happen everytime I go out with my older children. Today we went swimming and I watched a parade of moms with babies and the moms all really did look like my daughters age(19). As long as its just me and my husband people dont even blink. I swam and after getting all changed I nursed her, did a lunch out with family,picked up older kids from work,rushed home,then out again for a meeting tonight, I am soo tired I must plan better.
Hi, I'm a Mom of a four year old in my forties. I just found this site and am glad to hear from other "older" Moms. I started a new site because I know there are so many of us but aren't many groups available for us to connect. Most information and groups are for Moms in their 20's and 30's. Check out my site www.newmomsover40.com. Would love for you to share your stories and ideas.
Hi, We adopted in 2005 from Guatemala. We have a beautiful (almost 4 year old ) daugther. Can share info on adoption if you need any.
Hi, I'm not in your area but we are out there. It is hard to find us though. Seems most groups are for the younger Mom crowed. :) We adopted our daugther when I was 45 and she is almost 4. We are so blessed to have her.
Any moms from this group in Holly Springs, NC?
Hi,
I found this website when looking for moms over 40 groups. We have one child and are thinking of trying for another. I'm 42. It's great to hear that I'm not alone. I checked my local area (Nashville) and there are not any groups for older moms. Anyone from that area? I agree that it's hard to have much in common with a 20 year old mom. Of course, we all share the common bond of being moms, but there are unique challenges to the 40+ set. Would love to hear from anyone near Nashville.
Just had a baby 6.5 weeks ago, I am 41 and live in Apex, I am interested in meeting others. Did anyone successfully meet here?
Valarie Miller-Corl
www.mombookblog.blogspot.com
I have several friends in my MOPS group who are in their 40's. My grandmother was 40 when she had my dad. I think it's more common than people realize, esp these days with more women working and getting settled in careers first before starting a family :)
Sarah ~ mother of 5, blessed wife of 10 years
Crossroads MOPS (for moms of children infant-kindergarten)
http://crossroadsmops.net
Hello I am 42 ys old and I've being wishing to have a baby for so long, with my actual relationship I thought He (42) wanted to have a baby also he has already a 11ys old daugther and He is a wonderful Father, so after 2.5 yrs of relationship and with marriage plans he told me last week that he doesn't want to be a father again and that we are too old to have a baby knowing that my best dream is being a Mom. I feel so drepressed because I love him very much and I feel very disappointed because he never told me before. Please I need advises in how Can I convince him to make my dream come true. I have a big faith in God and for Him everything is possible.
Hi! I'm Tracy. I am 43 and my husband is 56, and we have a 7 year old daughter. I can totally relate to what you're feeling because my husband does not want to try to have another child because he thinks he is too old and he's afraid of the risk of Down Syndrome. I just have to hope that I can convince him and the baby (if I do get pregnant) will be healthy. Sometimes I do get so depressed that we did not have another child earlier. I thought we would have one when our daughter was 4, but we haven't even tried because my sister got pregnant with her 1st child when ours was 3, and I didn't want to take any attention away from her, so I thought we would try after she had hers. Then, a few months after my sister had her baby, we found out that my stepdaughter was pregnant. She was 26 and was not married, so it was a total shock to me! That was 3 years ago, and at first I thought that my husband and I couldn't have any more kids because she had one...But I find myself thinking that I shouldn't let the fact that she had a baby ruin my happiness for the rest of my life! So, we'll see...
Hi! I am 42 and have a 2.5 year old. I was beginning to wonder if all moms around here were under 30 too. I have been to several stores and folks ask "how old is your grandson?". I am just shocked by this, so I can completely understand what GeGe said!
I would love to meet other moms over 40. Please let me know where.
Many of my co-workers have older children and are not interested in tots!
I too have been thinking about a second child. I spoke with a genetic counsler about some of the issues mentioned here and the percentages are still in our favor that we would have a healthy child!
Hi, I am 40, almost 41, and am debating whether to start a family with my fiance. I have not wanted children in the past because I felt I didn't have patience for them and also poor choice of partners. Now I find myself thinking about it and know that my partner is OK with it either way. But I wonder about having a child so late in the game and how he/she will feel about having a 60 year old mom in her teens, how will this impact my carefree life I've had so far (I know, sounds selfish), and having a child in college when I am ready to retire. I am really on the fence and haven't found much information on the net about how this has impacted women especially as they get older and the children are older, i.e. late fifties with a teenager. Anyone have input, pro's and con's?
Hi Everybody!
My name is Angel--aka Flower Power Mom.
I was born in 1960 and had my children at nearly 42 and 45, through natural conception. They are now 4 and 7 years old.
The journey of conception, pregnancy and raising my children has been a unique experience--we are old enough to be grandmothers, having children amongst other mothers of a younger generation.
One of my first experiences was a sense of social isolation. Also, as older mothers, we are inevitably facing perimenopause and menopause while still raising young children. We may be part of the "sandwich" generation, caring for elderly parents. We could really benefit from peer support.
To share the experience, and to help empower all over 40 moms, I have just started http://www.flowerpowermom.com a free website and newsletter to offer information, commentary and what's on info for midlife moms. Please share your thoughts and experiences--we're all in this together!
I gave birth to my beautiful daughter at age 40. She is now 2 1/2 years old.
I am so glad I found this website. I am 42yrs old and thinking about having a baby for the first time. is it reasonable? is it practical? I am scared to try and scared to miss out on motherhood...help!
I was very lucky to have my son at 28 and my daughter at 32 but my joy ended this year with the demise of my lovely daughter who was 9 years of age. Now at 41 iam planning to conceive again.This site really gave me hope that I can still look for a new life who can give a way to be happy.
My husband and I had a beautiful, healthy and happy little boy last year. I was the ripe age of 45 when he was born! I couldn't be happier. To Khadija42 who asked Is it reasonable? I say "Absolutely!" Is it practical? "It's no more impractical than having a baby at 20 or 30 or 40" I know I am a better mother today than I would have been in my younger years - I am much less career-driven and much more family-oriented. I think my son is getting the very best of me - now!
I conceived my first child at 42 and had her just after I turned 43. She is now 15 months. She is without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened in my life. At times I am still in awe that this miracle baby is here -- because of my age but also just because... If you really want to have a baby, I would encourage you not to let age stand in your way. Granted the chances of certain difficulties do increase with age but my daughter has absolutely no issues and I conceived (naturally) within just three months of trying. Although I have a relationship with my daughter's father, I am pretty much raising her on my own. Still, I am a firm believer that "conventional" does not necessarily equate to "preferable" -- my daughter has a mom who is totally devoted with the patience, experience and stability to guide her in life. And to those who fear their age may someday be an embarrassment to their children -- please, what teenager is NOT embarrassed by her parents for something! I may now be 44, but I still remember what it was like to be 14... Good luck everyone. May you be as blessed as me.
Khadija42: Is it reasonable? Or practical?
Yes, probably now more than ever.
Having a child at any age will have a cost: in terms of energy, money, time, patience, personal sacrifices. But I echo what others have said; I think I'm a much better mother now, for my age, than I would have been 10, 15 or 20 years ago.
If you would like to have a child in your life, please don't wait. The ability to conceive over the age of 40 diminishes with time. I hate to say it but time is running out.
I was scared too. Not sure if I was ready, or if I could handle it. That's why I waited so long. I wondered if it would be a mistake to have a child before I felt 100% ready, but I didn't know when I'd be 100% ready, or if I'd ever be. (Do parents ever feel 100% ready??) Like you, I didn't want to miss out on motherhood. No one knows how it will turn out. For me to go ahead and plan a pregnancy took a leap of faith. Now it see that it's amazing and wonder why I waited so long. I adore my son and daughter - they are the joys of my life.
As I said, if you're over 40, time IS running out. This was hard for me to accept. You hear of women over 40 having healthy babies all the time, like celebrities in the press. But I would guess that the majority of those babies are from donor eggs.
I had trouble conceiving because of my age. I remember being really angry at the notion floating out there that careers can come first and families can wait, and a woman can have it all. It's not that easy. Part of me feels like I was mis-lead. I wish somebody slapped me in the face at age 40 and said, "Get to it! The clock is running out!" Just because you and your body feel young, doesn't mean that it is so.
Of course, some woman do conceive in their 40's, as evidenced in the responses above. It may help to know when your mother began menopause (I read that a womans eggs begin to deteriorate about 10 years before menopausal onset), or you can go to a fertility MD for an assessment.
I'm sorry to put the pressure on; it's probably the last thing you want to hear. But you just can't run from the clock. Think about it.
What will it be like immidiately after I have my baby? I am wondering if I should leave fl. Where I am on my own, and return to cousin in okc. With aunt nearby. Father is out of the picture. Doesn't care.
I really want to be home with my child as much as possible I don't trust people to keep him, yet.
It can be helpful to have family (who you can trust) nearby. They might be able to help you out in a pinch, and step in when you need them - like if you get sick, or have to work. Maybe feel them out as to how much they would want to be involved, before you expect it from them.
Hi Ellen, my name is Paula. We are just about in the same boat. My son is 3 (January 7) I am 43 and will turn 44 in June. I was raised with a younger sister, my husband was raised with an older brother - but our son is going to be an "only". I am not sure what advice I can offer except to say: 1) since making our decision to have only one child, I have sought out and spoken to a bunch of older kids and adult who were an only child - none seem any worse off for it! 2) we socialize as much as possible with other families with a child or children our son's age 3) we put him in pre-school this year and he is doing GREAT - no socialization issues (he has never been to daycare) 4) we network with our local mom's club to ensure lots of playmates and friend and finally, 5) even if you did have another baby - your daughter would still kind of be an "only" right now - it is not like a baby brother or sister would be a playmate.
Well, hope you feel better, and I very much would like to continue this dialogue with you.