As I glanced at Really Big Guy from across the airplane aisle, I had a revelation. I figured out that I had married the perfect guy.

Oh, don't fall out of your chair, roll your eyes or stop reading. This is not a loving tribute to my husband. I have simply realized that as we fast approach our lucky thirteen year anniversary, I have found the perfect compliment to my crazy, faulty personality. And together, we live in our own little state of dysfunctional bliss.  What married couple doesn't?

As we all come to know, marriage has its good days and its bad days. Its good weeks and its bad weeks. Even its good months and its bad months. Sort of like parenting. However, we find that we can be much more tolerant and forgiving of our children than of our spouse.

Perhaps this is because when it comes to our children, we expect them to grow and change. We anticipate them challenging us.  Irritating us.  Frustrating us. Yet as married people, we're somewhat unprepared for what comes next. 

In the early days of marriage, we view the world through rays of sunshine and rose colored glasses. We don't realize that the people we are when we  walk down that aisle will eventually step aside and give way to those people we become once our little bundles of joy arrive.  And we're still transforming as we change roles like we change our underwear, flip flopping between parent, spouse, friend, and the list goes on. When you combine this with the fact that we share our most intimate space day in and day out, it's a wonder anyone stays together.

But here's the thing.  Instead of accepting that we change and therefore will experience the normal peaks and valleys of marriage, we're bombarded by books, talk shows and self-help articles encouraging us to take a closer look at our relationship.  They offer tips for more romance. Improved communication. Enhanced connections. It's easy to start believing that we must need more. Every message makes us question if it's normal for a marriage to be even slightly  flawed.

Sitting on the airplane, coming off the heels of a weekend spent with extended family in the midst of the usual family drama - a bitter divorce, one estranged child, family secrets, ruined surprises and the occasional bad word or two spewed - I finally figured out that the secret to a happy marriage is deciding to dump all of the "improve and elevate" talk and accept what I already know to be true.  What we all know to be true. 

All marriages are somewhat dysfunctional.  Probably stemming from the fact that to some degree, all families (including the ones we lived with before we started our own) are dysfunctional. It's simply a matter of accepting that the dysfunction in our relationship is a dysfunction we can live with.  A dysfunction that is well suited for us.  A dysfunction that makes us realize that we married the normal one. At least normal for our own little world.

Because at the end of the day, when we close our doors to the outside world and count our blessings, that's what matters. 

Illyse appears Thursdays on TriangleMom2Mom.