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The October Rat Race
Today has been a reflection of the whole month: sheer and utter chaos. Event after event after obligation after commitment; why is October so crazy?? Someone tell me, please!! At first I thought it was just me that felt like I was just treading water every day, beavering away at real work and extracurricular work and social life work and kid-life work and never able to get ahead, but I was at a birthday party yesterday and a friend said, "This week has been so crazy for me!" and let me tell you, I was so relieved that it ISN'T just me I just about cried.
The worst part of all is that the one who suffers the most is, of course, Flipper. And the dogs. But I care less about them. There is no guilt like mommy-guilt, is there? But poor Flipper-this is such a big week for her: a birthday party, a Halloween party, pumpkin-carving with the senior class at her school, and the actual event of trick-or-treating herself. When did Halloween turn into Christmas? And I am frantically running about, just trying to get through this week of sheer insanity, not getting home until 6 or 7 at night, putting off the finishing touches on her Halloween costume (she is going to be a peacock) and the worst part of it all? How unbelievably patient and understanding she is. Talk about guilt! I would prefer her to be a little more disappointed in me, show some anger and rage, but instead, the shunting aside of her costume and discussion of these events and all the fun stuff is met with a stoical, "It's okay, Mommy."
Maybe it really is OK, maybe it is just me that feels so awful about everything. I keep thinking that surely, other parents are feeling this way too, that it isn't just me waking at 1:30 in the morning and frantically running through my To-Do List in my head (a list that never gets smaller, no matter how much I do) and while I hate to really believe that "misery loves company," well, this week it seems to be true.
Leigh appears Fridays on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Leigh on her blog Flipper and Me.
Leigh Sparacino
Leigh is a TriangleMom2Mom featured blogger, appearing every Monday.
Leigh grew up in Durham, attended college in North Carolina, left the area for an island off the coast of Georgia, the high mountains of Colorado, and her favorite mountains in western North Carolina, before returning to the Triangle eight years ago. She lives near Carrboro with her 4.5-year-old daughter Flipper and two dogs. She is single in marital status only, surrounded by friends, family, and her daughter's very involved and loving father. She works part-time and tries to be as involved as possible in her daughter's school, The Emerson Waldorf School, where Flipper is a kindergartner. She likes wood, glass and other natural materials for toys, loves the principles of Waldorf education and hates plastic. She might be the only person in the world with no TV and who hasn't been to a movie in 15 years, but races to the mailbox every Saturday for the most recent issue of People magazine. In other words, a contradiction. Or just human.
Comments
Maybe it's not as bad for her as you fear. When my oldest was little bitty, I was sick one day and just couldn't play and attend to him as usual. I was feeling so guilty about basically ignoring him all day and leaving him in front of the tv, when he came to me and said "This has been a great day!"
I showed someone my October calendar in my day planner around the first of the month and she was shocked. There were only one or two days that I didn't have something to do. I actually had to go into the planner and write things down for each day in order to fit everything in! Fortunately, my November and December calendars have far less on them so far.
My kids, who have been dragged with me to some things this month, have been wonderful. They just take everything in stride and actually managed to have fun in the process.