Really Big Guy, let's be honest. This fatherhood thing did not come easily for you. Without question, you had the foundation. The unconditional love. But it was hard for you to get into the daddy groove.

Looking back, I now realize that it wasn’t completely your fault. You had two things working against you: Me and your gender. Let me explain.

In the same way that our Big Guy was premature, so was your fatherhood. Big Guy’s early arrival took us by surprise. We were both ill prepared. We knew that Big Guy would be coming. But his untimely birth combined with his preference for me and his particular personality as an infant (the crying, the wailing and more crying,) your natural, paternal bond did not come naturally at all. By the time our Little Guy showed up, you were exhausted.

In your defense, at times it was even hard for me to muster up my maternal bond. The daily grind was draining. Especially in the beginning. As a mom, I felt out of control. Constantly running in some race that has no finish line. But since I was with Big Guy and Little Guy all day, I could do the unchoreographed dance of parenthood. I learned the steps by default.

And that made it more difficult for you. Let me be honest once again. Read closely as I come clean. This doesn’t happen often. I may be somewhat of a control freak. I think I am always right. My way is the best way. I could have forgotten that parenting can be a two-person job. In our house it was supposed to be. But I wasn’t always willing to listen to you.

Perhaps I added an element of challenge that made the “daddy gene” stay buried a bit longer than it should have. I was too busy being in charge to give you a fair shot. This was the “me” factor.

Now the “male” factor. Fast forward a few years. Seeing the man that you have become, I have confirmed what I always suspected. Some men are simply developmentally delayed when it comes to growing up. To becoming mature. It takes a while for your acting age to catch up to your chronological age.

I’m not male bashing. I’m not being unkind. Merely suggesting that while you men can be on-the-ball, top notch when it comes to your professional life, sometimes the male/female relationship side struggles. Remember “men are from Mars”? We are still from Venus. And even though we should have figured it out after all these years, there are times we still don’t get it. We don’t quite understand the regression that occurs when you get into a room/on a golf course/out to dinner with a few of your friends.

However, I now believe that the motivation for you to periodically behave this way is not completely your fault.You and your gender can’t help it.

I’m not giving you a free pass. Or making an excuse. Just noticing the similarities I find between you as a man and Big Guy and Little Guy as children. Being the mother of boys has given me an understanding of how and why little boys grow into the men they become.

There may be 30 plus years between you and your sons, but there are times I wouldn’t know it. The way the three of you zone out as you watch a game on TV. The way the games the three of you play ultimately involve some sort of pushing, tackling and the use of the word “weiner” or “marbles.” The way the three of you don’t respond the first few times I call for dinner. And let’s not forget, the kind way you all stop listening when my story has gone on for more than 1 minute and 30 seconds. I get the “land the plane, mom/honey” line.

This realization works to your advantage. It gives me a tiny bit of patience to sit back, hold my tongue (this can be hard) and try (this can be harder) to let you do things your way. When I can actually do this, the payback is tremendous. Because when I finally let you take the lead, I see that your fatherhood gene has not only developed and emerged, but it is strong. It’s heartwarming. It’s genuine. It makes me love you unconditionally. It also makes you sort of sexy.

Really Big Guy, you’ve done it. Just as all preemies catch up, you did too. You caught up and flourished. In the spirit of Father’s Day, this is my tribute to you. I adore you. Our life. Our family. Sometimes it’s steady, sometimes it’s peaks and sometimes it’s valleys. But it’s been well worth the wait as we have all learned how to do this family thing.

Thank you, Really Big Guy. And Happy Father’s Day.

(P.S. In case you didn’t read closely, I did admit that I’m not always right. That I can be wrong. You may want to print this and put it on your side of the bathroom to reread once in a while.)

Illyse appears every Thursday on TriangleMom2Mom.