"Sure, children are the greatest gift of all -- but that doesn't mean you want to be seated next to one on an airplane." From the Quail Ridge Books description of "I Hate Other People’s Kids" by Adrianne Frost

I’ve been at this Mom2Mom blogging long enough for people to decide that they like my slightly sarcastic take on parenting or they can’t believe that I could possibly be as insensitive as I come across. Hopefully the latter group will miss today’s post. I’m sure there are lots of moms out there who, like me, love to read. My reading is eclectic, ranging from Anne Lamott’s new age-y Christian take on life to science non-fiction to unauthorized biographies to Oprah books to serious “literary fiction.” I was a little nervous about what book to choose for my first Mom2Mom book blog, but I decided to throw caution to the wind, trust my audience and go for it.

A while back, I was doing one of my favorite things…browsing in Quail Ridge Books, when I saw "I Hate Other People’s Kids," by Adrianne Frost. I knew it was on my TBR (to be read) list, had been recommended by someone (although I couldn’t tell you who) and thought it looked like a good "throw in the purse" read...funny, can be read in small doses, etc.

When I started reading it, my first reaction was, "Wow, this writer is bitter and harsh." But then it came back to me...I TOO HATE OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS!!! I have just become adept at avoiding them. Frost snidely recounts the fabulous dinner party ruined by the couple who showed up at the door with their children "because they couldn't find a babysitter." Back in my day (my oldest is 15) that meant WE STAYED HOME!!! We're not talking infants asleep in car seat carriers, but toddlers dipping their fingers in freshly made hummus and demanding attention by alternately running wildly and clutching mom's skirt, hiding between her legs and not-so-coincidentally grinding said hummus into the dining room rug.

Soon after I started reading this book, I took my friend's 8-year-old daughter to her soccer game, experienced some particularly memorable OPK and was even more resolute in my assertion that I HATE OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS. I heard a father holding a one-sided logically cogent discussion with his 2-year old who was refusing to move off the field of play. PICK THE KID UP AND MOVE HIM...ten other parents paid for their kids to be on this soccer team and would like the game proceed without being called on account of annoying toddler!

I saw another young boy with his mother. The pair of them could have been the Ralph Lauren ad of what it is to go to a Sunday afternoon soccer game. In other words, unlike me, she wasn't sweating, reading Entertainment Weekly or holding a lukewarm water bottle to HER child's injury like I was to my FRIEND'S child's injury. Grandma showed up completing the three generation Ralph Lauren ad and Mom began talking to Grandma while the boy stood between them yammering, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" ad infinitem while Mom just increased her volume to drown him out, thereby regaling the spectators with a steady backbeat of NOISE!!! My response would have been much different, involving a sharp admonishment (combined with the trademark Mom death stare) to stop interrupting, followed by the rapid removal of said child from the area if he did not immediately desist. There are four soccer fields! There are two empty ones! Step away with your preppy selves so the players can hear the coaches!

The good news for haters of OPK out there is that as your children get older, you weed yourself out of situations that subject you to OPK. You learn to stop being coy and clearly state, "this is an adult party and children are not welcome." And if you are on the receiving end of an ambiguous invitation, you ASK if children are included or not, making it clear that your question DOES NOT imply that they should be. The acquaintances who perpetuate the behaviors that make you hate their kids simply disappear from your life. If most of your friends are parents, sharing common values about acceptable child behavior is a pretty critical factor in choosing friends.

At sporting events, instead of chatting up the other Moms in the stands, you bring a book and an iPod and place your folding chair far from the bleachers where someone's 4 year old will inevitably be running, jumping, stomping on the bleachers and shrieking until Mom relents and lets him/her have a carbonated caffeinated beverage. For parties, you and your friends collectively agree if kids will be included and if they are, there is a specific area identified for the children...usually FAR, FAR away from the adults.

Enough of my OPK diatribe. The book was cute, funny and just a tad harsh at times. This would be a fun book to give to a friend who likes to have something light to carry around...and read at sporting events while sitting in her chair with her iPod on!

Diane appears every Saturday on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Diane at her blog, Live and Let Di.