Featured blogger Diane Neer appears every Saturday.

When I started blogging, my husband was a little uncomfortable with my candor. He brags that I've "never met a stranger," but was concerned about the entire Internet community being my "new best friend." So I promised him that I would adhere to a certain code of conduct. There are things that I won't blog about like our financial status or our sex life (neither of which is interesting enough to blog about anyway!)

But recently something happened that made me break my code, so I'm sharing it with you in elementary iambic pentameter. (I don't even know if it IS in iambic pentameter, I just think about knowing that phrase makes me seem REALLY smart!)

My husband has a mistress
With whom I can't compete;
She lures him with her splendors,
And makes his life complete.

She teases him with berries;
She taunts him with champagne;
She plies him with the thickest steak;
Leaving me out in the rain.

She gives him more of what he needs
Than he could ever use
Her wonders leave his mouth agape
As he ponders which to choose.

The money that he spends on her,
The credit card receipts
Are proof that he's not true to me.
It's true, my darling cheats.

I take what's left when he's done with her;
I know that's pretty lame;
My husband has a mistress;
And Costco is her name.

My husband, who could never understand why I didn't want to take the baby to the grocery store, who critiqued my produce selections, and who can't even be bothered to add items he needs to the grocery list (I'm supposed to just sense what he needs) is now a card-carrying Costco member. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's marvelous that he actually tunes in to what we need and loves to shop there! But I can't help thinking that the warehouse store savings are not accruing when I find a five-pound bag of beef jerky in the pantry.

We have enough toilet paper to last us until June 2009 and enough artificial sweetener to keep my coffee tasty until they pull it from the market because it causes brain tumors. We have a bottle of Dom Perignon in our refrigerator because it was SUCH A GREAT DEAL. Neither of us really cares for champagne. And that bottle of Dom has actually moved with us to our last two houses! So next time you are at Costco and you see my husband, gently remove the 36-pack of Ivory soap from the cart and pry the Costco card from his hand and send him home to me.

To read more about Diane, go to her blog Live and Let Di. To enter Di's contest and book give-away, click here.