I'm setting down my helicopter.

I didn't intend to be a "helicopter parent," hovering over my kids, micromanaging every detail of their lives. My intentions were good. But aren't they all?

Among my darling angels, I have a few who seem to feel that homework assignments and projects are more recommended that required. Deadlines are merely suggestions, instead of being, well, deadlines.

So I've begun closely monitoring their assignments. Checking assignments written in the planner against the assignments written on the teacher website. Looking to see if the assignments were completed. Signing the planner to show that I had seen the completed assignments. Meeting with teachers and my child to discuss ways to keep them on track.  Taking away every possible privilege from them until they completed a project they had willfully neglected to do.

The problem came when I forgot to do the above. If Kid 4 had an activity that took me out in the evening, and I forgot to do the complete check on Kid 2, and Kid 2 didn’t do his work, whose fault was that?  If Kid 3 told me he didn’t have homework in a subject and that the website wasn’t updated, and I (naively) believed him, who was in the wrong?

The thing my kids forget is that eventually, the truth comes out, typically in the form of a report card.  Students who turn in all of their homework and do at least reasonably well on tests don’t usually get D’s and F’s.  Kids who do homework have a better chance of doing well on tests because they have worked through the material.  Maybe there’s something to that.

But some of my beloveds just don’t get it.  And so, taking a page from Lenore Skenazy's blog, Freerangekids.wordpress.com, I’m going to stop hovering over them in an effort to protect them from the consequences of these decisions.

It’s not easy for me.  I realize they might fail a class or even a grade.  And for a while, I fought that idea.  They didn’t understand the ramifications of their actions, I thought.  Could a middle schooler understand that not doing homework today could mean having the same homework—in the same grade—to do next year? Could a high schooler understand that a failed grade or class could affect their college choices and always have them feeling behind?  Were they really mature enough to be able to make that decision?

But, after realizing that there are no physical or psychological barriers to my kids taking care of their responsibilities, I know it’s time to introduce them to Life 101. My “helping” them so far hasn’t helped them succeed. It hasn’t helped them develop good habits, despite my nagging.  My helping has only allowed them to fail slower.  Maybe if they fail faster, they’ll discover they don’t like it. Better now than when they’re older.

In the real world, the opportunities you have are so often tied to the effort you make.  So, privileges are earned and taken away based on report card grades. They do love their cell phones, sleepovers and athletics.  I really hope they work hard to get them.  And if they don’t take that opportunity, they will have to sit home.  With no TV or PlayStation.  Because they have to live with the consequences of their decisions.

So my propeller wings are slowing to a stop.  I’m here in case they need advice or help.  But, hard as it is, I’m going to let them fly this bird on their own.