I've got a decade to go before my child reaches the teen years. But the prospect scares me, especially as I read the headlines about teens behaving badly - brawls at the mall, deadly accidents, even murder charges these days.

I know my job now is to create a little person who is kind, responsible, confident and self-motivated.

Michele Borba says she has some of the answers to do just that. Borba, author and a contributor on NBC's Today show (see her tomorrow morning in a segment about cheating), spoke to the Greater Raleigh Chamber of Commerce's Working Mothers' Luncheon on Tuesday. Borba has a doctorate in educational psychology and counseling and is the mom of three grown sons.

Borba offered this parenting exercise: Ask yourself what values you most hope for in your "adult" child beyond health and happiness. Honesty? Spirituality? Responsibility? Self control? Self confidence?

Whatever it is, pick one and target it. Be an example of it. Point out to your kids when they're doing it. Borba says it can take three weeks before anything really sinks in for kids - longer for some. Once it does, move on to the next.

Borba's done versions of this talk dozens of times, but she still grew emotional as she shared stories about kids and moms she's run across in her career. She just finished her 22nd book on parenting last night in her hotel room.

"If I didn't feel strongly about it, it would be time to quit," she told me after her talk.

And, she added, "I work with so many kids and they're not faring so well."

While today's kids might be the most loved, she said, they're also the most spoiled, most ill mannered, more likely to attempt suicide. They often haven't been prepared to live on their own.

Borba said many parents have lost focus on what's really important when it comes to molding a successful person: providing unconditional love and acceptance, a less permissive environment and a respectful and democratic one.

"We got into the trophy kid," Borba said. "The culture told us we had to be the perfect mother. And our support systems are gone."

It's a tough time to raise a child, she said, but the act of parenting doesn't have to be hard. Simple repetition of those values that are important to your family can build a child who becomes a caring, responsible and confident adult.

Borba's talk was a good reminder here in the trenches of parenting.

The best SAT scores or greatest achievement on the sports field doesn't matter in the long run. You just have to pick up the paper to find examples of smart people or sports superstars mixed up in something.

What's important, at least to me, is building a truly good, caring person - the kind of person I'll be proud of when my day-to-day role of mom is all done.

Borba's talk was part of the chamber's quarterly Working Mothers' Luncheons. The next one is March 26. Moms will be grouped according to their children's ages or other special characteristics, such as special needs or multiples, for a couple of hours of talk and networking. It's $35 for employees of chamber member firms and $50 for non-members. Moms, fathers and caregivers are all welcome.