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Reciprocity
One of the coolest things about coordinating with other parents is the concept of "reciprocity." Yes, I would love to have your son over for a few hours while you go to your doctor's appointment. Not only because he will keep MY son occupied for that time period, but because you will the OWE ME. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not quid pro quo. It's actually a very loosely maintained agreement and those who tend to do more of the taking than the giving gradually get ousted from the plan.
With crazy things like elementary school starting at 9:00 a.m. and the weekly early release on Wednesdays, stay-at-home Moms have a great opportunity to build up "owesies" with their fellow Moms by letting kids get dropped off when parents need to go to work or letting kids hang at their house when they get home early on Wednesday. Sounds like a perfect situation, right?
Well, apparently not if you live in Michigan. The state of Michigan wants these casual arrangements to be conducted like licensed day care centers! Yes, one Mom helped out three of her fellow Moms by watching their kids for an hour or so before school started. She didn't do it for money. My guess is that she was accumulating "owesies" to be used in the evening to go out to dinner with her husband or so she could go to Bunco when her husband was out of town.
Imagine her shock when she received a letter from the Michigan Department of Human Services, pointing out that she was breaking the law by keeping children in her home for more than four weeks during a school year without having a day care license. Is this absurd, or what? Since when do Moms helping Moms have to be licensed, insured and legislated? Next thing you know, the state is going to want our kitchens to meet restaurant standards when we bring a casserole to a friend who is sick!
The not-surprising aspect of this situation is that the Michigan Department of Human Services was responding to a complaint by a neighbor. My bet? She was one of those Moms who did more taking than giving and is now a de facto pariah of the reciprocity plan. I have always loved the concept that "it takes a village to raise a child." I just never thought the village would need a license.
Diane appears Wednesdays on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Diane on her blog Live and Let Di.
Live and Let Di
Diane is a TriangleMom2Mom featured blogger, appearing every Wednesday.
I try to be the voice of Moms with teens. My daughter Haley is 16. She's at that age where she is convinced that I know nothing. I'm thinking I'll seem a lot smarter when she's 22. We bond over Broadway shows. My son Rory is 13. He started reading the sports page when he was 5 and his passion for anything sports-related has grown ever since. This year he beat out 9 guys in their 40s to win his Fantasy Football League. Watch for him on ESPN in a few years.
My husband Hurley works from home, but travels quite a bit. When he's gone, I usually take a break from making dinner and cleaning the house. Oh, I don't do those things regularly when he's here either! Our parenting philosophy is "choose your battles." The only problem is that we often choose different battles. It keeps it interesting!!!
Comments
Here is the link to the article referenced in my post:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090930/ap_on_re_us/us_baby_sitter_backlash_...
I read that article the other day and couldn't help but wonder if there might be another side to it. I mean, the neighbor who complained. Where were these four kids who were at the bus stop an hour early every morning? Were they running around screaming (as kids do when they run around) at 7:30 or 8 o'clock every morning? Were they perhaps playing in the street when this neighbor needed to leave for work? Calling the state would still not be the best approach but we have no idea whether or not more neighborly attempts had fallen on deaf ears.
Ahamm makes a point. It is difficult to believe that any rational person would complain about a mom helping another mom. maybe there is something that has not been reported.