I think there have been many changes -

For one, families are smaller so I think (all speculation here) that more attention is spent on the few kids that a parent might have, instead of being diffused throughout the household.

Secondly, because of societal changes, roles for kids are harder to define. A few generations ago, children helped out at home - farming, assisting with the household, and they actually contributed to the family. They were rarely idle and belonged to the fabric of the home. These days, kids don't have the same useful place.

I agree with the basic premise of Rosemond's article. But I generally feel that he underscores the negative effects of doting on children (and they do exist) but never quite addresses the opposite -- that there could be negative consequences to not paying enough attention to your child. I feel that his advice generally focuses on the former.

He's actually addressed that before. His response was that people reading his columns, books, attending his talks, etc. are concientious parents, and he does not have to tell them to spend time w/their kids. Anyone taking their own personal time to attend a parenting seminar for example, is probably not a deadbeat-haha. There are some people out there who could stand to be more attentive, but that's not his target audience. I like the fact that he wants to empower moms by letting them know it's perfectly okay to tell your kids to "run along now". So many moms carry around so much angst about their parenting, that his point of view is actually very liberating to me.

I agree with you, Lillybug. I think all moms, especially those that are with the kids a lot, have to be careful to have their home be centered on the family, not necessarily centered on the child. It is nice when your kids are old enough for them to realize that we are more than moms because we have other interests and pursue them. I also think that translates into a positive with your spouse.

Ah, lilybug, that makes more sense.

I wondered if he had a target audience, then I thought, "Nah... How could he? Anyone could pick up a paper & read it." But you're right; If I wasn't a concerned parent (and one who is wondering/fretting about parental performance), I probably wouldn't be reading the column in the first place.

Another thing that led me to pause, was his reference to the 1950's mother. Just because this was such a socially aberrent era. Times are different now - it's like comparing apples & oranges.

Or is it?
I'm still mulling it over...

HAHA. No time in history was ever perfect of course. But I do believe that parenting was less traumatic in times past. People weren't so "psychologically" oriented. I think that practicality was more of a consideration. People had larger families and more physical work, and I'm not sure they constantly stressed about the impact things have on their kids. People always use the term "times have changed" and yes, times are always changing, but I'm not sure that's a good enough reason to have our kids and families off track. And I do think we may be off a track a bit.

I read his column regularly and have read a couple of his books. I think his style comes off as a bit self-righteous at times, but I also believe that most of the time he does make very good points. I especially liked this comparison from the column…

"For example, men may “like” women who do not establish clear boundaries, but they have no respect for them. In this regard, it is no mystery why so many of today’s kids seem to have no respect for their mothers, or any other adult for that matter."

Many moms (and dads) do seem to be more interested in having kids who like them than respect them, and that doesn’t work. The time to be your child’s friend is when he is no longer a child, when he no longer needs parents.

I think part of the reason why parents have become so focused on their children is the media. I know when I first had my children, Martha Stewart and her perfectionism was all the rage. Women were being told that they needed to sing/read to babies in the womb or their children would be disadvantaged at birth. That's a lot of pressure! I just read a story about Bento boxes which are essentially lunch boxes with compartments. Moms are supposed to create these elaborate food shapes to show how much they love their children. Apparently it is very competitive. But the media plays on our fears of inadequacy.

Media, yes. But don't forget marketing!

Think of it... if you invent something (technique/toy/etc) and market it with the claim that it will make your child happier/smarter/more secure ... it WILL SELL!

(My husband thinks the same approach applies to golf tools... make the claim that your invention will take 3 strokes off a golf game and it WILL SELL.)

Think of all the studies that have dis-proved the claims of popular methods, after their creators had already scored their millions!