A few years ago, before I had children, I took part in an impromptu discussion at my synagogue about how to finesse all the holiday greetings bandied about during the month of December.

Take, for example, the well-intentioned “Merry Christmas!” The obvious response is, “Merry Christmas to you, too.”
 
Yet doesn’t the “you, too” in the return greeting imply that I’m celebrating Christmas? When you’re Jewish, that rings a little false.

I’d often counter with “Happy Holidays” or “Happy New Year.” That seemed a fair compromise, acknowledging the holiday spirit while steering clear of the Christmas conundrum.

But there’s no steering clear once there are inquisitive little people in the picture.

The other day, walking down Hillsborough Street with my two older kids, a gent who looked like he may not have had a bed to sleep in wished us a hearty “Merry Christmas.” Both kids turned to me, expectant looks on their upturned faces.

 “Thank you,” I replied with enthusiasm.

This year I’ve gotten more than my fair share of questions from my kids, queries along the lines of “Why does everyone keep saying ‘Merry Christmas’ to us if we celebrate Hanukkah?” That was from my daughter.

A question deserves an answer, but in this case, I wasn’t sure what exactly that answer should be.

Some people wish us Merry Christmas because they don’t know we don’t celebrate the holiday.

Some people wish us Merry Christmas because they assume everyone celebrates Christmas.

Others, some neighbors not exempted, wish us Merry Christmas although they know very well it is not our holiday. Whether they’ve forgotten or whether they harbor hope that we’ll cross over from what they likely consider “the dark side” is unknown.

As an adult, it’s easy enough to take the well wishes at face value – expressions of good will during the holiday season. A simple thank you and a smile on my part should suffice.

But now that I have young children, I’m no longer as comfortable with that solution.

As their mother, it’s my responsibility to help them make sense of their world. I want them to respect other cultures while taking pride in their own.
How I respond and how I teach them to respond can demonstrate grace in an awkward situation.
 
So more often than not, I offer up that thank you and that smile and – still smiling – I tell them that we actually celebrate Hanukkah because we’re Jewish.

It’s a real-life lesson in being different. From very early on, kids learn that everyone is not the same. Some people have skin of a different hue, some people are good at sports, at math, at writing. Some people have lots of money. Some don’t. Some people celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Tet or no holidays at all.
 
As adults, it’s how we accommodate those differences that sets the stage for what our children think.

So last year, we invited Christian friends to watch as we lit our Hanukkah menorah and played a few rounds of dreidel. This year, we went over to their home to help decorate their Christmas tree.

They learned about our traditions and we learned about theirs.

Not long after, I was at Harris Teeter with my son. The bagger who helped us to our car was in a cheery frame of mind and leaned in close to ask my son if he was ready for Santa to drop by our house.

Panicking, I rushed into the silence, explaining that Santa was fortunate enough to skip over our ash-cloaked chimney because our family was Jewish and we did not celebrate Christmas, but hey, don’t feel bad for us because we celebrate Hanukkah and that’s really fun too! The bagger seemed a little taken aback, whether by the fact that someone didn’t celebrate Christmas or by my long-winded explanation, I’ll never know.

Recently, I reflected on that moment. I asked my son what he would have said if I hadn’t answered for him.

“No,” he said, with the beautiful brevity of a child.

He would have said no because it was the only answer that would have occurred to him.

He didn’t need my long explanations. He knew who he was.

At not quite 6, he’d found his truth: He wasn’t ready for Santa, and Santa wasn’t ready for him.

Bonnie Rochman appears Mondays on TriangleMom2Mom.