A few weeks ago, I got an email from someone who had read one of my blogs where I confessed that I’m a screamer. Keeping my cool when deluged with whines and beset by intransigence is not always my strong suit. My parents are screamers, I’d divulged; it must be in my DNA.

The gently worded e-mail invited me to attend a seminar conducted by Hal Runkel, author of ScreamFree Parenting. Runkel traipses around the country sharing his dogma -- and marketing his books and multimedia materials – while sharing wry yet cutesy anecdotes about his own home life raising two children.

I was dubious. ScreamFree? Me?

Nevertheless, I headed over and sat in the back row of the church where Runkel presented.

I had done a little background research before I arrived, Googling Runkel’s doctrine and reading about his philosophy. This is what I learned from his Web site, screamfree.com: ScreamFree Parenting is “absolutely guaranteed” to work, based as it is on “proven psychological theory.”

Runkel promised it would change the way I approach all of my relationships, particularly the ones I have with my kids.

“The power is in your hands — you can create the family life you've always wanted,” I read.

Hmm…that sounds empowering.

So is he right?

Yes and no.

The premise behind a ScreamFree existence is sound. Losing control on the part of a parent only exacerbates an already tense situation. ScreamFree advocates parental time-out: “a pause between stimulus — your kids pushing your buttons — and your response.”

Parents set the tone for the household, Runkel says. A peaceful home is up to us.

Well, yes…and no.

The best ScreamFree techniques, the longest pause in the world, can’t negate my toddler’s insistence on scarfing down candy before dinner. Even if I respond to her calmly – and, really, I do, because who can expect to reason with a 20-month-old? – she continues with her caterwauling. It’s hardly a paradigm of peace.

Nevertheless, I liked the underpinnings of Runkel’s teachings. I found them similar to Becky Bailey’s positive discipline techniques, which are often cited at Project Enlightenment. Discipline is about self-control – yours, not your kid’s.

Runkel’s audience at Brooks Avenue Church of Christ, 100 strong, listened to him spout his truisms:

*You are not responsible for your kids for the choices they make. You are responsible to your kids for the choices you make.

*Parenting is ultimately leadership. You can’t respond if you’ve already reacted.

*The harder we push, they harder they resist.

*Growing up is hard to do, especially for parents.

What does this all mean? It’s time to move from the impossible (trying to control your kids) to the really difficult (controlling yourself).

Put into practice, it looks like this:

Don’t get frustrated that your kids don’t appreciate the sacrifices you make for them. If they’re rude or don’t listen to what you say, give them a choice and an appropriate consequence – then don’t give second chances. Just follow through.

Say your son – make that my son – leaves his bike out for the umpteenth time.

Here’s the old me: “How many times do I have to tell you...”

And the new, ScreamFree me: “Hey, Cookie, I’m so glad you had fun riding your bike. Isn’t bike-riding great? Now, you can leave your bike in the driveway or put it away. It’s up to you. If you decide to leave it out, it’s going in my trunk for two weeks.”

Now, here’s the catch: You’ll have to muzzle yourself to keep from issuing myriad reminders. “Sweetie, you did hear what I said about putting your bike back, right?” “Honey, I just wanted to remind you that your bike needs to be put away unless you want me to take it away from you.”

Blahblahblah. He’s tuning me out.

And Runkel goes a step further. By me reminding him (nagging him?), I’m sending a message that I don’t respect his choices.

Respect? Self-control? Mine or my son’s? I think it’s both. I’m just glad it’s been too cold so far this week to ride bikes.

Bonnie appears Saturdays on TriangleMom2Mom.