I went out of town last weekend for a much-needed break from my kids, my house, my Saturday-is-the-same-as-Monday schedule. What I found, however, is that I missed my family terribly, especially my 4-year-old son, Guillermo.

For months, I had been planning for my first trip back to Austin, Texas, where I lived for five years before moving to Carrboro in 2005. A friend was getting married. I already had a dress to wear, but I searched endlessly online for the perfect shoes. I scheduled time for a manicure and a pedicure, even though I cringe when people touch my feet. I worked hard to get myself back down to my pre-baby weight (but not hard enough to lose an extra 10 pounds). I had a good book to read, a place to stay, and a cheap rental car. I was set.

I had a great time, too. I finished one book and started another on the flights there and back. I felt important picking up my rental car without my kids, as if I had somewhere prestigious to go. I had long lunches with friends and strolled leisurely through two of my favorite grocery stores (I love grocery stores and if you’ve ever been to the Whole Foods in Austin you would love them too).  I watched my friend marry the man she loves. That, plus wedding cake, and how much better can a weekend get?

On Sunday, however, I had a little bit of time to myself before my flight home and I started to get sentimental and a little emotional and then the tears came and then they wouldn’t stop. I was missing the life we had built in Austin and at that moment, I missed Guillermo more than I ever have.

You see Austin is where my husband and I started our married life together. It took some time but we fell in love with the city and all that it offered: the nightlife, the running paths, the food, the coffee shops, and the wonderful people.

Nearly four years after we moved there, Guillermo was born and those were the memories that came rushing back to me last weekend. The recollections were expected. I had parked my car in front of his old daycare so that I could take a picture to show him one day. What I didn’t expect were the tears.

I remembered reading to Guillermo in the yellow rocking chair in his old room and watching him play with sticks in the driveway. I remembered our trips to the park in his red wagon and our play dates with other new moms I met after Guillermo was born.  

I remembered back to one of my favorite days as a mom: Between visits from our family after our son was born, Will and I spent a peaceful rainy afternoon on the couch, watching “Lost In Translation” while Guillermo, only 5 weeks old, snuggled peacefully in my arms. After much anxiety for me the first weeks after he was born, I learned that day that if I just calmed down a bit, motherhood would be a little easier

People always say that kids grow up so fast and I’m sure that it’s true, but the day-to-day minutia often makes the days seem like they never end. Standing on the street in front of Guillermo’s daycare last weekend, I wished it had felt like it was just yesterday that I was dropping him off for the first time as I made my way back to work after my maternity leave ended. But, it didn’t. It felt like a long, long, time ago and that’s what made me so sad.

Natalie appears every Sunday on TriangleMom2Mom. Read more about Natalie at A Day at the Park.