Even when everything goes well, a long road trip with young children doesn’t rank very high on anyone’s fun scale. My husband and I have family in Indiana and Ohio. We’ve made the long drive to one or the other or both many times since becoming parents and figuring out the best way to visit family with the least amount of mental pain has been an evolving process.

Before kids, we would do the drive in one day, usually taking about 12 hours. The first time we did it as parents; we had only a three-month-old. I rode in the back seat and he spent about as much time napping as I spent attached to a breast pump. No extra stops and overall not really any worse than before. Then little Y became a toddler. The last time we made the drive in one day, he was not quite a year and a half. We had a plan. We thought if we left a little later, around 10am, we’d entertain him a little until lunchtime, then he’d nap after lunch, a little more entertaining and he’d sleep the last few hours of the drive as well. It sounded good. We’d keep him right on schedule and I’d have lots of toys to hand him and how could that possibly not work out? I’ll tell you.

He went to sleep just before 11. We thought about waking him for an early lunch, but decided not to disturb him. He’d just have his nap early and his lunch late. He woke up CRANKY and preferred screaming to eating in the car. We were miles from a restaurant. We took a long break for lunch to let everyone chill and got back into the car nice and calm. The afternoon wasn’t so bad, but then he fell asleep right after dinner, about two and half hours before bedtime. We figured there’d be consequences to letting him sleep so early, but he was quiet and happy at the moment so why mess with a good thing?

Instead of transferring easily to a crib as we had hoped, he was wired from the late nap and exciting new surroundings. Let’s just say it was a late night for all of us and an early morning full of lots of crying. It took us most of the visit to get things back on track. For the return drive, we found a hotel as soon as he started to nod in the evening. But at bedtime he wouldn’t sleep with us in the room so my husband and I spent a half hour hiding in the bathroom waiting for him to fall asleep and another hour afraid to make any noise that might wake him. Sitting on the edge of a bathtub is less comfortable than sitting in a car.

We made the drive again this year for Christmas, spending two weeks away from home, split between the grandparents. The kids are old enough to carry on conversations and play some games in the car. But we’re still stopping at a hotel to break up the time on the road. As long as we can afford it, I’d hate to give up the luxury. (A room with a separate bedroom makes it quite comfortable.)

Entertaining the kids on the ride is still more art than science though. Pull out the props too early or too close together and I know I’ll be out of help the second half of the drive, that part when I’m cranky, too. But if I wait too long, the kids may not be interested in anything I have to offer. Their only goal will be trying to make me want to get out of the car as badly as they do. And no matter how well I try to plan, there are occasionally the unpredictable reactions. Last year, I picked up a keychain-sized racing game before the drive that I thought Y would love. He lost interest in the game in less time than it had taken him to unwrap it. Luckily, this sometimes works both ways. This time I had a My Little Pony from a Happy Meal to spring on J, complete with comb and pessimism. I figured it’d hit the floor in a few seconds, but it was free so it was worth a try. When I pulled it out, she actually spent five minutes combing its hair and made it “fly” for at least another twenty. We got there and back without too much fussiness and we’re all happy to be home.

Next time we face a road trip though, we’ll do it with twice as many children. That’s a little scary, but we’ll just keep trying to figure out the best plan for the moment. And that old saying “the more things change, the more they stay the same” provides a little comfort as well. On the Christmas drive three years ago, Y climbed up to the top of a McDonald’s playground and couldn’t figure out how to get down. My husband had to be the one to climb in after him because I was pregnant with J. This year, J was the one to get “stuck” in one. And just like last time, there was no debate about who was going to have to climb in after her. Even though I don’t expect to be expecting on any more trips, I know there will be familiar elements, like unpredictable naptimes and chocolate milk on my pant legs, which we’ll already know how to deal with. And more than that, I know that the time spent with family will always be worth it.