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Too Much Everything
Call me confused. But I don’t get the allure of Facebook. At least for our generation.
For our children, especially those in high school and college, Facebook represents the era in which we live. When I grew up, it was getting your own phone line. Now, kids have their own account. It’s a rite of passage as they learn how to navigate the social sector. But for us, as adults, it seems misguided.
While so many of the people I know have not only jumped on the bandwagon, but consider it a necessary means of communication, I’ve tried to avoid it.
I only joined a few months ago, for the sole purpose of viewing my stepbrother’s page. I was city-less and photo-less. No maiden name. No friends. After I logged off, I forgot that I had an account.
Until my college roommate found me. This was cool. At first. But after the initial contact and viewing of the photos, I was lost amongst the endless streams of meaningless dialogue. I can’t understand how anyone wouldn’t be.
It’s not that seeing that I only have two friends compared to your 77, 151 or 376 makes me feel like a loser. Because really, I’m not. But maybe – just maybe – this counting of the friends, packaged with these random comments, makes me feel a bit cynical. All I can think of is that high school is calling and it wants us back.
I’m not questioning the value that Facebook can have. It’s a tool for networking. Reconnecting. Rekindling. I get all that. It’s fun to share. I just wonder when it becomes too much information being shared too often with too many people.
Which makes me wonder. What is a friend, anyway? In high school, it’s usually quantity over quality. Popularity is a secret priority. But what about for us, right now? As grown-ups? As parents?
With Facebook, “friends” are from the past and from the present. Some are true and some are new. They’re far away family. Our kid’s friend’s parents. The people we chat with at school. There are those we see at our children’s practices. In our neighborhoods. Those we meet at a party. Those whose blogs we read. And the list goes on. Is everyone really a “friend?” I can’t decide if it’s worse to only have two or to have too many.
Once connected, the quality of what we communicate deflates. It has too. We’re communicating over an impersonal channel. We start sounding as if we’ve reverted back to the teenagers we’re supposed to have evolved from.
Does anyone really care that I have a cold? Or that I’ve installed Facebook for Iphone? Or who I went to lunch with? If I’m a fan of miracle pilot Captain Sully or that I’ve joined Labs Are the Best? Pages end up sounding more like a one-way, self-fulfilling advertisement for ourselves instead of anything of substance.
Maybe it’s me. Maybe I just don’t understand the desire to stay connected to so many people with yet another technological tool. But, I admit, I’m behind. I e-mail, but from my computer. I have no Blackberry. Just a boring $30 cell phone without a camera and Internet that was only supposed to last for a month. It’s been two years. I only text in an emergency. And I talk with no more than four people outside of my family on a regular basis. Three of whom aren’t on Facebook.
Maybe I’m channeling the 1980s. Once again, I find myself on the outside, looking in. The difference is now I have the benefit of hindsight. And from this view, the mother in me says enjoy, but be careful. Remember, once you share something, it’s as good as telling everyone. And you can’t take it back.
Illyse appears Thursdays on TriangleMom2Mom.
Illyse Lane
Illyse is a TriangleMom2Mom featured blogger, appearing every Thursday.
She is a stay-at-home mom who also works as a freelance writer. She resides in Raleigh with her husband and two sons, ages 8 and 10.Originally from New York, Illyse fled the cold to attend Florida State University. After a brief return to life in the city, she relocated to Raleigh to work for GE Capital and has never looked back. Illyse is sure that as long as all the boys in her home continue to speak, she will have plenty of material to write about.
Comments
I too cannot see the value of Facebook except as a pure networking tool. I find it a time waster. I also think of myself as an outsider because I can't see the value in this endless stream of consciousnes that the rest of the world is so hooked into.
I joined Facebook recently because my husband registered. I realized that some of the "friends" I had in high school I really have nothing in common with now, and actually, quite a few of them irritate me. Is that terrible? Hahaha.
I tend to get bored of these sites pretty quickly...I used to have a myspace page and deleted it because there was so much junk over there. Another useless site is Twitter. People are actually texting each other messages like "Having dinner now...it's yummy". Does anyone care?
Great post!
I have mixed feelings on Facebook. I will admit that I use it alot. Yes, I agree that there is too much information being shared. Do I really care that someone who I haven't talk to in 20 years is home with her baby with a stomach virus? I also agree with you on the high school thing... I have some people as friends who aren't really friends, but at the same I was interested in seeing how their life turned out so I accepted their friend request. When accepting a friend request from someone from high school or college, I use the test "Do I know their parents?" or "Have I ever been to their house?"? If the answer to either of those is yes, then I accept their friend request because that meant I was pretty close to them at one time.
But at the same time I have been using it to stay in touch with people who are real friends. Through Facebook, I found someone who was in my wedding, but we had both moved or changed emails one too many times and lost touch. And my roomate in college.... And my BFF from high school... Most of my family is on it and we share pictures and keep in touch (actually 3 of my 4 parents are on Facebook). And I have to say that I use the chat feature ALOT with friends in real life instead of endless emails or a phone conversation. And I use the message feature alot now instead of email because then I don't have to find someone's email. Our church uses Facebook alot to communicate information, share photos and video clips of solo performances.
Illyse, on the new Facebook design their is a feature where you can hide a friend. Meaning, that they are still your friend, but you don't get the status updates. Next time a status update from them shows up on your wall, put your mouse to the right of their name and there is a popup that says "Hide". You can unhide them at any time if you decide you want to see their updates. And they aren't notified that you hid them because you are still friends.
I was into facebook for a while, but I agree with much of what you say. While I've enjoyed getting back in touch with some old friends, I think I've wasted far too much time reading inane information about people I hardly know. The newest trend on facebook is just awful. Everyone is taking these stupid quizzes like, What fairytale character are you? What muscle car are you? Who is your celebrity boyfriend? I'm starting to feel like I'm back in junior high reading all this stuff. Ugh. There's got to be something better we could be spending our time on.
Kcollins, I totally agree with you on the quizzes. I hate seeing the quizzes and I could care less about people's results. I wish that there was a way to block quiz results.
Ouch! The truth hurts:-) HAH...I'm one of those weird people that ACTUALLY enjoys Christmas newsletters-even though I've never done one myself. I'm nosey and love to know everything going on with people! So I'm probably the target audience for facebook. I've reconnected with so many people -people that I couldn't or wouldn't keep up with in regular emails. But with one click on my homepage, I get a quick update on everyone's lives, and it's nice to feel connected to people on some level, that I've cared about in my life. (the handful of friends that I have on my page that aren't really friends, are simply x'd out of the newsfeed-easy as pie). I don't spend hours on facebook, but I do love seeing photos, and some of the people that I know I would definitely not be in touch with if not for this venue: several kids that I babysat for/nannied for 20 years ago (i.e. college boys that would be mortified to give me the time of day now) some distant cousins that I'd lost touch with, and actually a lovely mom to mom blogger:-) who I've enjoyed swapping book reviews, movie reviews, and other assorted tidbits of our lives. In a perfect world, I'd love for all these exchanges to be in person instead of online, but alas, I'll take the scraps I can get:-) from so many people that have been important in my life, at one time or another, in their own way.
I love facebook, too. I've moved around a lot and have friends or acquaintances in lots of different places. It's great to be able to keep in touch with so many of them and I love getting random comments or e-mails from them. Plus, I am in charge of coordinating my high school reunions (until I can find someone else to do the job) and facebook will make that job so much easier.
I love the quizzes...sorry. There are some of my friends who say they find the communications between my immediate family...often sitting two feet from one another, each on a laptop. I like that I can see what's happening with my kids and their friends...not in a spying kinda way, but in an awareness kinda way.
I have reconnected with lots of friends and acquaintances from high school, college and various workplaces. I have found that some of the people I wasn't necessarily friends with in high school...maybe I should have been. I have found it heartwarming that we've all found our places in the world, some predictable and some surprising.
Sometimes on the weekends it's a big timewaster, but usually it's ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes in the evening.
Lilybug is the most brilliant and thought-provoking commenter on Mom2Mom.
HAHAHA! I'm pretty sure I've been called lots of other stuff around here, but not that! LOL!
Facebook reminds me of my wedding reception in a weird way. You know, you have all these seperate groups of families and friends that you spend time with for different occassions-people living in different states-but for that one day (my wedding) everyone I loved was in one place and it was awesome. With a click to my newsfeed, it's like no matter how mundane some people's postings are, I know that they are all ok and still there! Weird, I know......
That's a great comparison, Lilybug
facebook is annoying. twitter is 100 times past annoying. but it's not just that I'm That Old, my two teens ALSO think facebook is annoying (and with their hundreds and hundreds of facebook friends how could it not be?) I think the first couple years was entertaining for them,now its a bother to be ignored. imagine the drama of knowing what 100s of seventeen yr old girls are all thinking and doing at once?! ewww! info overload. way too much drama
That's the best part of facebook! People who don't like it don't have to do it!