I agree that it's incredibly rude and annoying. I do know with the sales parties, however, it may be a slightly different thing. Although an RSVP is not a big deal to me, I'm just relaying what I have heard other people say, and to sum it up, they sometimes feel disinterested, and put on the spot. Unlike a purely social invitation, where someone is requesting the pleasure of your company, someone is interested in your pocketbook, and people feel sligthly annoyed and less compelled to respond, like maybe it's not as much a personal invitation. Just a feeling I get, and I've hosted those kind of parties, so I have nothing against them personally.

I agree it is it is annoying. And rude. But at least, don't take it personally, since it is just a way of life now: rsvps are ignored more than ever. It's cultural, not personal. And considered less rude every day. Who knows why... but I think it is because life has become so incredibly overwhelmingly busy, that NO ONE can possibly do all the things they would like to, or are supposed to do. The important things get done (well, most of them) and the non essentials --an rsvp?-- get dropped. Its survival. Pick and choosing battles... It is really hard for some people just to have their life together enough to say, "sorry can't make it" because expectations are so high, and people try to do it all. If everyone had a few extra free hours a week, you'd get all the rsvps you could handle. You'd be amazed at how many people buy tickets to events, or classes, then dont show. It IS how people are today. Is it lack of commitment too, does anyone think? Or just lack of time? Or something else?

a1 mama-well said. All those things. The saddest thing to me is, I watch so many parents chasing their own tails day after day. They set up such a life of stress for themselves, over committing and over involving themselves in everything. People often say to me "I could NEVER have four kids like you" and I think, if I parented the way you did, I couldn't either. Their children spend their lives being propelled from one structured activity to the next, and this stuff isn't free-more working hours are needed from the parents, and well, it just goes round and round.......my kids have been to birthday parties that have been so highly organized and controlled, that they had very little interaction with the birthday child. Whatever happened to hot potato in the backyard??

lilybug- maybe you've also found like I have that the moms with four,five, or six kids are very relaxed, calm and balanced. The ones with one or two young ones are more likely the crazed helicopter (yeah, I hate the term, too, but you know what I mean?) types. I'm for hot potato in the backyard over overly organized parent creation any day. (and the kids should be too!)

We just moved back to Raleigh a few months ago, and one of the things I was most excited about was being closer to a couple of my friends that had kids. I daydreamed about having adult conversation, girlie chit chat, and so on while our kids played. The reality is that I don't see them anymore often since I moved back. It is just too hard to "fit it in." I try not to take it personally. I will keep trying though, because I still daydream of adult conversation of the female fellow Mommy variety.

yes, maybe we're forced into simplicity-haha.

As for hot potato in the backyard, I totally agree. I went to a bday party like that and the mom (a minister's wife) had to get a little pushy to get some parent help in the gazillion activities she'd planned. They had a new play structure, and I kept thinking, why don't you just let these kids play?

RE: RSVPs....it's inexcusable. You didn't ask to get invited, but you did, and you have an obligation to respond. If it's a sales party invitation from someone I don't know at all, I may not respond. But if I know the person, or know that she's a friend of a friend, I'll respond. My friends and I are finding that we HAVE to follow up with a phone call, etc. to get a response from many people. I can assure you, those people don't get invited again. (Not that they may care, but their kids might.) I recently had a brunch and invited 10 families. 4 never responded at all, even after a follow-up email request. One was a new family on my street who happens to be in our class at a private school. (We're not zoned to be in this school.) I included a personal note in her invitation, telling her that this was a brunch to meet another new family in class, and how we'd love to meet them, too, etc. My son was excited to have a classmate on his street. I never heard one syllable from her, even with the follow-up email.

The class teacher graciously accepted the invitation, so the non-responders missed out on a great time, but also a great chance to get to know the teacher better. I wouldn't have missed such an opportunity for brunch with any teacher of my child...

jenncsu, I have found, over the past 6 years that my kids have been in school, that my closest friends are not the kind to over-schedule. Those kinds of moms simply will never have time to have much girlfriend-time. My girlfriend time is almost always a playdate. We moms take over the family room or the outdoor furniture, and just let the kids run. If I didn't host a lot, and entertain a lot, I definitely wouldn't have as much girlfriend time. Honestly, I try to make our home a kid's fantasyland (compared to when I was a kid---today all kids have so much...) We built a simple walled-in ball pit in our boys' playroom. That's a huge hit. It's about 10 x 7. In the summertime, I'll put two crockpots on the table: 1 with sloppy joes, 1 with hot dogs in hot water. Buns, slaw, onions, K & Mustard, and a bowl of chips. (SJoes can be chili on a dog.) Everyone can eat all afternoon when hungry. This is a cheap and simple way to entertain. It makes me not hesitate to invite a crowd over. We have an extra mini-fridge (clear door, looks like a wine cooler) and I fill it with juice boxes, YooHoo, etc. (Root beer is popular). So basically, I'll feed 30 people, and the only thing I'll cook is sloppy joes (which takes 5 mins.).
My mom and her mom made their homes the "hangout." My mom always said, "I'd rather have the kids here, so I can know they're relatively safe." Our house was always full of kids & teens...

Regarding over-scheduling, I may be the opposite extreme. We do only two sports per year. Basketball and golf. Our private school teams only do these on Saturday mornings. It's a Christian school, so they keep the focus during the week on family time. On those Saturdays, we always go to lunch afterward with another family, so rather than stressful schedules, our sports-days are a delight. (Obviously, if the boys' interests change, we'll change..)

Family psychologist Dr. John Rosemond always pushed "One activity at a time." If you're in ballet lessons, that's it.

It was good to read this - about how busy other moms are too. and how it never seems like we have time (or energy) to get together with friends. reminds me I am not alone, even tho it feels like it sometimes. and I agree on the RSVP rant... a quick "no thanks" is all that is needed, so the host can get a headcount. I would suggest tho, that the host includes an email address as well as phone# as a way to respond. and , please!, include your first and last name! I get invites from my son's classmates - and all it has is the child's name (which I know) but not the parents, which I may not know.

I agree with you Lilybug, after all the host and the consultant both want you there to introduce new products, make future connections and make sales. If the theme of the party is something you don't need or have no intention of using or buying, then a simple no is sufficient. I get responses like "not my thing" plenty, but more often I get no response. The invites for Arbonne are all done by e-mail so you just have to click no, yes or maybe and it is clear who is hosting, when, where etc. But, sales parties aside , we tried to get eleven couples over for a dinner party (not pot luck so no bringing anything except your appetite) and ended up canning it after most folks couldn't get a sitter, didn't want to get a sitter and then there were those who just simply didn't respond- all this with two weeks notice. Makes me think, does my breath stink or something? : )

ArbonneMom

All home parties aside... I am having a child's birthday party at the end of the month... had cute DORA invites made and asked for an RSVP so I can get a head count. I have 6 people who have not responded and two of them are mommies themselves, and four are FAMILY! In the words of Bonquiqui (from SNL and YouTube fame)... " Rude!"