There aren't many things in life I'm willing to get fat for. (And yes, I know fat and pregnant aren’t technically the same thing, but tell that to the elastic-waist pants.) But incredibly, I found myself doing it again when I got pregnant with CC.

Only this time, I was betrayed.

I didn’t expect to have a clue the first time around. And I was right. But by the second time I was bakin’ a baby, I considered myself a seasoned pro. I didn’t know that my internal abdominal muscles weren’t as strong (read as: you get bigger --faster) and that my round ligaments (which I’m still not able to locate with precision) wouldn’t be able to support my girth. I mean, my unborn child.

Pregnancy 1: First maternity clothes bought at 6 months. Pregnancy 2: Bought a maternity belt for “extra support” at 5 months. And let me tell you, nothing says sexy like a big rubber band holding up your stomach.

Still not convinced? Let me tell you a little story.

The most out of control my body felt during pregnancy 1 was when I was 7 months along. I sneezed and felt a little drop of pee fall out. (Do your keigels, ladies.) And I totally freaked—thought I’d be wearing Depends at the tender age of 30. Fast forward to pregnancy 2. I’m picking my son up from day care. At 9 weeks I’m nauseous, bloated, exhausted, and in need of the facilities. The effort of picking Little Man (who was almost 2 at the time) and placing him in the car seat makes me fart…except it isn’t just a fart. Oh no, that isn’t embarrassing enough. It’s a shart. (If you don’t know what that is, ask a 13 year-old boy.)

It wasn’t bad enough that I had to drive home with 1) a screaming kid 2) “something” in my pants and 3) tears streaming down my cheeks because I hadn’t been that humiliated since the second grade when I peed in my favorite yellow cords (hey it was the 80s).  No, I got home, dropped (I mean gently placed) the kid on the floor, and ran into the bathroom. My pants and underwear were in a pile by the toilet, my son was crying in the living room, and I was running around half-naked. I made it halfway towards my son, wanting to comfort him, before I had to bolt to the kitchen sink to vomit.

For those of you actually pregnant, it’s not usually that bad (don’t be scared). It turned out, I had a stomach bug and all-freakin’-day-so-don’t-try-calling-it-just-morning sickness.

Still, not a time I remember fondly. And, now, apparently I have left my dignity on the screen. Oh, well.

Laura appears Mondays on TriangleMom2Mom.