Automatic flushing toilets

Any tips for dealing with a child who is terrified of toilets that flush automatically ... like at the airport, etc.?

How long on the potty??

My daughter began showing interest in the potty at a very young age. The first time she tee-teed in the potty she was 16 months old. It was more fun for her than anything else, and we didn't push it for three reasons. 1 - I was pregnant with baby sister, 2 - we would be moving soon, and 3 - she was very young. Well, she is 25 months old now and knows exactly what she needs to do, when she needs to do it, and where is should be done. But she doesn't always "want" to go on the potty. Sometimes she will run to potty shouting the whole way what she's going to do. And sometimes she will take off her diaper or panties, hide somewhere, and pee on the floor. But the main problem I'm having is that even if I ask her a thousand times a day if she needs to potty and she says no fifteen hunderd times she WILL have to go as soon as it is bedtime, nap time, or she is going to time out. And then you can't get her off the potty. I know that she is using this as an excuse, but there have been times when I've told her no and she has tee-teed in the time out chair or in her diaper and then gotten out of bed to throw it over the gate at us. So what I want to know is how long should you let them sit on the potty at one time? She has literally sat there for 20 mintues before and done nothing just to push back bedtime. She will talk and laugh and get up and down, but when you tell her that's it she immediately says "tee tee" sits back down. My husband thinks I should let her sit there as long as it takes and not deny her access to the potty. But how much advantage do you alllow them to take of a situation?

CPR/First Aid/Fiearms/CCH Class/Unarmed Self-Defense

I'm a Paramedic Certified by the American Heart Association to teach CPR, AED, Choking Management, and First Aid for infants, children and adults. The first 2 to 3 minutes in an emergency is the most critical time in a medical emergency, and the average person can learn lifesaving techniques in 3 to 4 hours. I believe this is a must for all parents. I can come to you, or set up a class. A minimum of 8 students is required.

I'm also certified to teach the following:

Pistol, Rifle, Home Defense (NAR).

Concealed/Carry Handgun Class (N.C. Department of Justice).

Unarmed Self-Defense (Martial Arts Experience).

Contact me for more information.

Van

Covering Up around our sons

I am a single mom of a 4 year old boy. At what age do you start covering up around boys? He may make statements like, "those are your nipples" but doesn't laugh and giggle about it or ask questions. We take showers together occasionally and he will walk in my room in the morning before I get dressed (but in underwear) some days.

He doesn't seem interested/bothered/inquisitive about it. Just wondering what others have done.

Almost New Jeep Overland Jogging Stroller

For Sale:  Jogging stroller bought new, only used a few times.  Grey with turqoise stripes.  I can send picture or you can come see it.  Asking $120 919-389-7970

John Rosemond

So I read John Rosemond today and I'm wondering if I'm a bad parent. My daughter is 3 and has the occasional tantrum. I think we do what he recommends - basically let her do her thing and move on.

How do you deal with tantrums?

Teen Social Bullying

"Bullying" is a term that will bring different pictures to the minds of people.  We all know toddlers and young children will 'bully' each other with and without menace, as they are trying to figure out the social rules as they grow.  But bullying in the teen years has changed dramatically since this mom was that age.

Teens today deal with all the 'usual' social angst and insecurities that we grew up with, but today it's compounded by instant communication via phones and Facebook.  A situation that would cool down by separation of angry teens is extended and expanded exponentially through these electronic medium.  And today, sadly, the consequences of bullying are far too often traumatic for not just the child bullied, but innocent bystanders as well.

Recently, my son's group of five close friends went through a bad stage.  It seemed that each week one of the guys was on the outs with the rest.  Too often lately, it'd been my son.  It peaked on a day when first the rest avoided him around the neighborhood and then, when they met up at a park, them leaving him there alone.  It ended that night with Facebook exchanges that definitely upped the ante.  It was devastating for him, and heartbreaking for me.

I realize our kids need to learn how to deal with such situations, but I have also learned in 20 years of parenting that we parents need to step in much more often than we're led to believe, because the fact is our teens are NOT adults, and they need guidance throughout the teen years.  I have learned that even when I was sure they weren't listening, they were doing so closely.

So after I said goodnight late that night to an extremely sad young man, I decided to email one of the boys' mothers, one I knew better than the rest; one I had learned through casual discussions on the sidelines had a similar parenting philosophy.  This was not a decision I made lightly.  You never know today how parents will react to being told their kids have done something wrong.  I have been called a liar, told my son was one, told I just needed to let them handle it and all too often been told there was no way their child could've done what I said.  So I was trepedatious, but I wrote it anyway.  I explained what had happened,  and admitted that the next time it could very well be my son who'd be one of the bullies instead of the 'bullee'.  I said I knew we could not force them to be friends or to talk, but that we could guide them to either be friends to each other or not, and stop the emotional roller coaster they'd been putting themselves on.  I asked for her advice and opinion, and requested that she tell me if she knew of ways my son had contributed to the current situation.  And then I sent it off, trusting cyberspace to convey my heartbreak, my fear and my questions the way I felt them, borne of a piercing pain deep in my heart and soul.

The next morning, I found a new 'village.'  You see, I've always believed in the idea of it taking a village to raise a child.  I grew up in a blue collar area where every mother was my mother, or just as well was, since I couldn't take a wrong step without it being back to mom before I got home.   Well, this mom called me first thing.  Her son had already told her the night before what they'd done, and she'd been appalled.  My note was the icing on the cake.  She called the other mothers and told them what had happened, and they too were on the same page.  The group of us talked and realized we each had found a heretofore unknown support system, right in our neighborhood.  They made it clear they agreed that it had reached the point for parental guidance, and handled it with each of their sons. 

The boys?  Well, let's just say that each of these parents got to see that the seeds of conscience that they'd spent 15 years germinating in their boys flower that week.  On the bus home from school, before they'd even heard they were in trouble, they had apologized to my son, righting his world with a few words.   They weren't off the hook at home, but the fact they'd owned up to their actions on their own was huge. 

It was, after all was said and done, both the best and worst of weeks.  All of us involved grew a bit more, and our boys took a few more step toward being responsible, compassionate young men.  I feel a sense of support I'd not felt before, and know the others feel the same.

Our boys will fight again, and no doubt they will drift in and out of friendship over the coming years.  We parents can't control that and shouldn't.  But through this incident I was reassured that no matter how fast society tries to hurry our kids along to adulthood, it's too early to throw in the parental towel during the teens.  And I have kindred spirits out there who have learned the same thing.  As I always say when talking about parenting teens, there's safety in numbers. 

Sex and the City

So, who's going to see Sex and the City this weekend? If you're going, are you dressing up? Are you going with friends? To a party first or after?

My sister saw it last night in Denver and said it was great. She loved the show when it was on HBO. I never had HBO but I've caught reruns, late at night when I can't sleep. I'll go see the movie, but I'm not sure if I'll get there this weekend.

Older moms, savvy questions

I'm interested in any older, more experienced moms' perspectives. Like the mothers who have five kids aged 12 and above. It seems to me like the daily struggles of new moms is missing the point. It is all very wonderful that moms of young children try to learn how to burb, or feed, or toilet train, or whatever mundane teaching needs one goes through for daily existence. But more importantly, I think older moms are more interested in what kind of people we have taught our kids to become. What values we have instilled in them to live by. New moms, and moms at any age, can get lost in looking at the forest for the trees. Training a baby to sleep is much more simplistic than training a child to be honest, or have passionate worthwhile interests, or be loving. Those are not only more important, but HARDER to teach than how to go to bed at night, or potty training. Perhaps young moms perusing literature on mundane training, should give more thought and effort to real training: training for life. Training to love, and be responsible, and mindful of one's actions at every age. How successful one is with a two year old often reflects how successful one is with their 15 year old. THink about what you are training children for when they are young. It's not toddler time, it's for life. When your kid is in day care all day, think about all they are being taught about relationships and actions, values and punishment, not potty-training or nap schedules. What your 15 year old does when she sneaks out at night, or how she dresses become much more important questions, not wholly unrelated to what the parents were doing and thinking when their kids were two. Think a 15 year old is easier to teach than a three year old? Don't make me laugh. If all parents were required to teach high school for a year, they may rethink how they teach their preschoolers. I remember a VERY SAVVY kindergarten teacher my son had. When I became intent on how to address an issue only relevant to a five year old, the kindergarten teacher calmly said, "when he is 16, that will not be a problem." It was a very wise statement that I always remembered. Address the issues for a four year old, as you want your children to address their own when they are 16. You are teaching your teenagers values before kids ever hit a classroom.

Move to Big Girl Bed

We're finally going to move our daughter out of her crib and into a big girl bed. Anybody have any tips on how to do this as smoothly as possible (or is that even possible - horror stories welcome).

And anybody have tips on places to get cute big girl beds?

Thanks!

Sarah