No More Frozen Foods For Me!

I may NEVER go to the grocery store again.

Did you know that for $4.95, the Harris Teeter will allow you to pick out your grocifery needs ONLINE, and they will do the shopping for you?  Hallelujah!  Praise to the gods of innovation and technology.  Why would any of us ever, ever, ever, ever step foot back in frozen foods?

The grocery store is cold!

One can never find cornstarch!

My basket always has a bum wheel that clacks throughout the store!  And people glare at me as if I am responsible for grocery cart maintenance.

When I run into friends at the store, they always seem a bit judgy about my choice of foods – I can see it in their eyes.  YES WE DO eat sugary cereals and Cheese Nips.  You got a problem with that Miss Organic Produce, Boxed Wine Drinker?  I see what’s in your cart too…

I sat in my bed in boxers, no shirt, last weekend and clicked my way through canned goods, fresh fruit and the store bakery.  And on Tuesday, at 5, I pulled up to the HT, not exiting my car, and pressed a little button:


This is your personal shopper, can I get your name please?

Ham, Bruce Ham.

 I’ll be right out with your order.

Why thank you.

I then checked email on my phone while my PS retrieved my goods from the walk in fridge.

As I sat there, I scoffed at the pitiful folks passing by my car headed to and fro parking spots afar.

College dude making a beer run…


You should be studying!!!


Soccer player, clearly exhausted after practice…


You should be resting!!!

Ba ha!

Older folks who shouldn’t have to be hauling out these heavy bags…


Shouldn’t you be a Happy Hour?

Tisk, tisk, tisk…

And you?  There are criminals at large!


Man, oh man…

When my PS brought out the goods, she thoughtfully explained that they were out of chicken flavored Rice O Roni so she made the decision to substitute with Uncle Bens.

“Excellent choice!  I would have done the same.”  It’s as if we are twins from a different mother.


When I shared my new found glory, some friends questioned if I selected produce.  As if I didn’t trust PS with those sorts of decisions.

CHECK OUT THESE PEPPERS… I couldn’t have chosen better myself.


Alcohol?  No problem.  She swiped my credit card on a handheld device and checked my I.D. in the parking lot.


Now, if I can figure out a way to get someone to put these items in my cabinets, I’ll be golden.


In February, 2010, my 39 year old wife, Lisa, passed away after a short battle with colon cancer. During her illness, Lisa's younger brother moved in with us to help with our three daughters. A few weeks after Lisa died, the girls were sitting around the living room watching a Full House re-run. "They look like us," my youngest quipped. She was right! At times, the parallels are uncanny. These are our real life stories of tears and laughter as two men learn to be mom. Visit us at

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